Email doesn't sync on iphone and email provider server

Hi Guys,
My Iphone 3gs with OS 5 does not sync with my email on my service providers (Gmsil & Optonline)
If I delete an email on either the Iphone or on a computer (IBM) I have to do the same on the other device (visa-versa)
its a real pain-
I had no problem with this when I had a Blackberry device. 
What gives. I have tried a number of different ways of doing this but nothing works.
Is this possible with the Iphone?
thanks...ED

Hi Ingo2711,
I called the Service Provider (Optonline) He couldn't help me with POP & IMAP on there end?
But he did give me insight into FORWARDING email messages and  automatically deleting it off of their servers.
So I just forwarded from their servers to ICLOUD and then I am able to delete it from there if I want after reading it.
Works great and solves my issue.
Thanks

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