How can I manage 1 iTunes library with 2 computers (not on same network)?

I have 1 very large iTunes library in which I am always adding/deleting/editing songs and 2 computers (1 home, 1 laptop). I would like to be able to manage my library with my laptop when I am away from home but also be able to see any changes I made next time I open iTunes on my home computer. I tried home sharing but this seems to be more for computers on the same network. My library is much too big for iCloud. Someone suggested I hold shift when I open iTunes to select a library but even though I can select the library file I want, it doesn't populate iTunes with my changes (or any music for that matter). I'm running XP with the latest version of iTunes (10.7.0.21). Thanks

This describes a work/home scenario. For home/away use, edit the library directly on the portable backup when away, then sync libraries on your return.
Sync iPod/iPad/iPhone with two computers
Although it isn't possible to sync an Apple device with two different libraries it is possible to sync with the same logical library from multiple computers. Each library has an internal ID and when iTunes connects to your iPod/iPad/iPhone it compares the local ID with the one the device normally syncs with. If they are the same you can go ahead and sync...
I have my library cloned to a small 1Tb USB drive which I can take between home & work. At either location I use SyncToy 2.1 to update the local copy with the external drive. Mac users should be able to find similar tools. I can open either of the local libraries or the one on the external drive and update the media content of my iPhone. The slight exception is Photos which normally connects to a specific folder on a specific machine, although that can easily be remapped to the current library if you create a "Photos" folder inside the iTunes Media folder so that syncing the iTunes folders keeps this up to date as well. I periodically sweep my library for new files & orphans with iTunes Folder Watch just in case I make changes at one location but then overwrite the library with a newer copy from the other. Again Mac users should be able to find similar tools.
As long as your media is organized within an iTunes Music or Tunes Media folder, in turn held inside the main iTunes folder that has your library files (whether or not you let iTunes keep the media folder organized) each library can access items at the same relative path from the library folder so the library can be at different drives/paths on different machines. This solution ensures I always have adequate backups of my library and I can update my devices whenever I can connect to the same build of iTunes.
When working with an iPhone earlier builds of iTunes would remove any file not physically present in the local library, even if there was an entry for it, making manual management practically redundant on the iPhone. This behavior has been changed but it will still only permit manual management with a library that has the correct internal ID. If you don't want to sync your library between machines on a regular basis just copy the iTunes Library.itl file from the current "home" machine to any other you want to use, then clean out the library entries and import the local content you have on that box.
tt2

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1). Connect your iPod to your new computer. If it is set to update automatically you'll get a message that it is linked to a different library and asking if you want to link to this one and replace all your songs etc, press "Cancel". Pressing "Erase and Sync" will irretrievably remove all the songs from your iPod.
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Wired News - Rescue Your Stranded Tunes
Comparison of iPod managers
TuneJack Windows Only (iPhone and iPod Touch compatible)
SharePod Windows Only (iPhone and iPod Touch compatible)
iPod2PC Windows Only
iDump Windows Only
iPodRip Mac & Windows
YamiPod Mac and Windows
iPod Music Liberator Mac & Windows
Floola Mac & Windows
Music Rescue Mac & Windows (iPhone and iPod Touch compatible)
iGadget Mac & Windows (iPhone and iPod Touch compatible)
iRepo Mac & Windows (iPhone and iPod Touch compatible)
iPod Access Mac & Windows (iPhone and iPod Touch compatible)
TouchCopy Mac & Windows (iPhone and iPod Touch compatible)
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http://www.apple.com/itunes/itunes-match/
With iTunes Match, all your music can be stored in iCloud — even songs you’ve imported from CDs. You can access your music from all your devices and listen to your entire library wherever you are. And you'll also be able to listen to iTunes Radio without ads.
iTunes Store: Subscribing to iTunes Match
http://support.apple.com/kb/HT4914
Thanks,
Matt M.

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itunes has two different ways of sharing music
1) clicking on file , home sharing and turning on home sharing, and entering your apple id. this is required for iphone, ipods and ios devices you are only allowed to share to 5 computers this way. this allows you to import songs to your itunes client from your itunes server. and each compuer needs to be logged into your itunes account
2) clicking on itunes, preferences, clicking on share tab, and cicking on "share my library on my local nework " this will not allow itunes libraries to be shared with ipods, iphones or ios devices. itunes cleints will not be alllowed to important songs from your itunes server. however itunes clients do not have to be logged into apple at all. they don't even need to be authorized to play music. they will prompt for your itunes account if you try and play a song that has DRM, but if the music has no DRM they will play fine
your only allowed 5 computers associated with an apple id. upgrading your music collection to itunes plus or using itunes match #2 might be able to save your precious itunes computer slots
i have them both turned on

How can I manage 1 iTunes library with 2 computers (not on same network)?

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