How do i sync music between 2 apple ids

My wife has an apple-id and music library.
I have an apple-id and music library.
My kids iphone4S are associated with my wife's apple-id.
My wife's laptop has died.
I am trying to connect my kids iphone4s to my itunes PC now - we purchased some new music but I am unable to add just that 1 song to her playlist.
I logged in with my wife's apple-id and authorized my PC on her account.
When I try to copy the song to the kids iphone4s it doesn't work, and when I try to sync the song it asks if I want to erase all the music on my kids iphone4s and replace it with my library which is NOT what we want to do.
Any ideas on what to do here?
I'm really frustrated with iTunes lack of real control over licenses I purchased and properly authorized, it is not user friendly.
thanks,
Greg

The iPhone is only able to synch with ONE iTunes library at a time.  Has always been like this.
You mention your wife's laptop died.  Certainly no one in this day and age doesn't back up their data, right?  Copy the backup of your wife's iTunes library onto a working computer.  Problem solved.
It has always been the user's responsibility to maintain the safety and security of his or her data.  You can be frustraed all you want with "iTunes lack of real control".  This has nothing to do with iTunes but everything to do with personal responsibility.
You also purchase a license when you buy a "physical" piece of music like a CD.  Is it the store's responsibility to replace your music if you lose the CD?  If anything, the store should be "really frustrated with the owner's lack of proper care of the purchase that the owner made".

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