IChat never works for AV

I can never get ichat to work with the video or voice feature when trying to ichat with another mac user. I am able to msg them but when they or I try to request a video or audio chat it just says trying to connect or waiting for other party to accept but they never get the request. Although I do get requests from another person to start an av chat I accept but for the other person it just says waiting for user (me) to connect and never does
I have even tried ichatting on the same local network with no firewalls on either machine but still no luck. I have forarded all the appropriate ports. Neither machine has osx's firewall turned on.
any ideas guys im stumped

This problem seems to be ubiquitous around the world. I am currently in Australia and trying to help a friend to overcome this problem.
I believe the underlying problem is the Quality of Service features implemented in v3 with Tiger. Reference the following help page:http://www.mvldesign.com/videoconferencetutorial.html, and the discussion on Quality of Service. Although they reference that the message "Insufficient bandwidth" comes up when the ISP improperly configures his router, I think that the other message "name not responding" also comes up under this condition.
I had my friend in Australia who could not connect with his ISP bring his iMac G5 down to my son-in-laws house who has been successfully using iChat AV with me in the US using a different ISP. When my friend connected using my son-in laws ISP all the problems went away.
Bottom line: some ISPs have not or do not know how to configure their server for QOS to allow iChat AV traffic to pass. Even if you talk to tech support at the ISP you may often encounter someone who is not sufficiently knowledgeable and you run up against a brick wall. The only solution is to change ISPs and I would reccomend that you have your ISP commit to install and support you until iChat AV can be demonstrated, before you sign a contract.

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