Ios 5.1 issue - why have the music controls been disabled when iphone is docked?

I just updated my iphone 4s yesterday, and immediately I have a huge problem.
When I dock the phone in my car (using a Denison dock) OR connect it via bluetooth to my car stereo, all of the music controls are locked!
The Music App becomes a white screen with "device connected" written on it, and there is no way for me to play/pause/skip/browse music on the handset.
Even double-clicking the home button, the audio controls are greyed-out and don't function.
I am furious about this, why break something that was working perfectly before?   It's not for safety reasons because the iphone is happy for any other app to be used while docked.  I use my iphone in the car all the time, and it is utterly USELESS if I can't use the Music app normally.
I have tested with docks at home, and this issue seems to occur only when the connected device can also control the iphone.  I need to stress that no car controls can allow easy use of the Music app - it means you have to take the device off the dock to make any changes in what you're listening to.
PLEASE can this go back to the way it was!?

Found another post with a similar issue after upgrading to ios 5 and this worked for him, I might try this tonight and will re-post if it worked for ios 5.1:
1)Connect phone
2)Hightlight your phone on the left side of the iTunes window
3)Click on the music tab towards the top middle of the iTunes window
4)Uncheck "sync music"
5) Click "Apply" down on the bottom right  At either this step or the preceding step you might get a
pop up box that says "you have made changes" or something like that, click okay or apply.
6)After this is finished, check to make sure there is no music left on your iPhone by double clicking on your
iPhone in the left hand pane of iTunes and then click on "music" under your iPhone
7)If there is no music on your iPhone, then recheck the "sync music" and then click "apply" down in the
bottom righ.
8)If you have a lot of music it will take hours to sync, but when finished your Dock accesorries should work again.

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