Iphone 3G will not update - please help

Dear all
I am having repeated problems updating the software on my iPhone 3G and have not been able to do so for almost a year.
I am using the latest version of iTunes and the software downloads fine. The problem occurs during the back up. iTunes tells me it will back up my apps, contacts etc and then the back up box pops up and the green progress line run through a few times. It then (extremely slowly) climbs to three green bars and then nothing happens.
I have had problems backing up before but I managed to make a back up last night with no problems. I then tried to update the software, left it for four hours and exactly the same thing happened. Today's attempt has been going for 30 mins and is only at one bar at the moment.
I have tried everything people have suggested on these discussion pages including using different cables, USB ports, deleting previous back ups, configuring my firewall (Norton) and turning it off altogether. The only thing I haven't tried is restoring the phone - I'm loathe to do so as I don't trust iTunes not to screw the whole thing up now.
Could this be a problem syncing my contacts? iTunes tells me it wants to do this but I don't recall setting anything up with Outlook to do this.
Can anyone help - I know this is a common problem, all you need to do is put "cannot up" in to Google and one of the most popular searches is "cannot update iPhone"!! There surely must be a solution, can anyone help before I go crazy?

Hi What could be happening is slow internet connection, obviously with every update your itunes connects to apple and open a communication to assess if your phone can upgrade... etc...
but if you have a slow connection that authorisation period my elapse meaning that the communication with apple is disconnected...
if you look online for IPSW files and find the one you want - there are a few sites out there that do this and more often than not they link direct from apple...
once this is downloaded open itunes then CTRL + click update, then go find the file you just downloaded, and this should allow you to upgrade...
This is the sam process I have used for Beta Software and on my mates 3G to get him on to the latest 4.1 as he was for ages stuck on 4.0...

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