Iphone bluetooth can't "discover" my car.. helppp

Question

I just got my iphone a few days ago and I have a few questions.
1) First of all, I'm a big bluetooth user and when I asked the apple store salesperson before I bought the iphone if it is bluetooth, he said yes but didn't specify that it only works with headphones and that it can't do transfer files. I send and receive snapped photos and data via my bluetooth with my nokia and imac, so it's a big disappointement that I can't do that with, of all things, iphone. And I use my nokia phone to call handsfree in my car (won't do otherwise).
Now, HOW DO I PAIR IT WITH MY CAR (bmw 07)? Iphone is eternally SEARCHING, it won't even go as far as asking for PIN#. My car goes catatonic won't even SEARCH as it's not recognizing or discovering a new device. I'll try again but IF IN CASE MY CAR ASKS FOR NEW DEVICE (that would be my iphone) PIN number, what is iphone's default pin number? I have yet to ask for my bmw's pin number from my dealer (i forgot already).
2) I'm ignorant as far as networks go. Yesterday, I was all over the place and my iphone kept popping a window with different NETWORK NAMES. To be safe, i CANCEL'd every one. If next time I accept, does that mean I'm ROAMING AND THAT I'LL BE BILLED FOR EVERY USE of other networks'?
3) Re youtube: How can I view this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=109k7NO-InI
That's a video of my daughter playing the piano and I want it on my iphone. I have done everything - using tag words etc. I know it's not the video file format because she has captured a video of our sheltie (chasing a ball, he's so cute) with the same camera and uploaded it the same way. Iphone's youtube is showing all related videos except that of my daughter. PLEASE HELPPPPPP!!!!
Thanks so much for your future response... God bless!

Answer 1

1) Got that Soldier Boy...you're right, you can't open any youtube videos on Safari. I get :
"Hello, you either have JavaScript turned off or an old version of Adobe's Flash player."
And a link "get the latest flash player" follows.
I'm guessing I can't even download Adobe's Flash Player straight to my iPhone and I won't risk downloading it lest it crash my phone. OR CAN I?
On the other hand, the YouTube app does open any searched video. However, for some reason, my daughter's video won't play. After putting all the necessary tags in the search field - "theused"; "piano", "sometimes i just go for it", a page shows all the videos except that of my daughter. So then I narrow the search using her user name tormentofsinx and it goes to NO VIDEO. She has other videos that are viewable on YOUTUBE app. One, she captured with her phone cam, is of her sheltie chasing a ball. If it helps, she says she used her digital camera CASIO EXILIM's video cam to capture herself playing the piano. Is that the problem? HELP... I REALLY WANT TO SHOW OFF HER VIDEO. I'm proud cuz she was the first one to put that piano piece and it inspired other kids to play it (on the piano).
2) As for the bluetooth, (it's disgruntling that iPhone only works with speaker phones and bluetooth cars are a giant speaker phones. It's late that I discovered it won't transfer files, no thanks to the apple salesman. anyway, I'm hoping the next iphone will have that capability), my bmw is easy to deal with. It uses the default 0000 or according to our dealer, any number as long as i use it on other device that's discovering/pairing with it.
BUT, we've tried all the necessary steps and my car still goes catatonic as it's not detecting any bluetooth device. I don't know if it has to do with the fact that the bmw bluetooth capability extends to opening my husband's treo contacts and it dials for it. Therefore, it's not just a mere giant speakerphone.
3) RE TEXT MESSAGING:
I'm text-happy (typeractive) and I could exceed the 160 characters per text. Is there any way I can monitor without manually counting the chars? Or does it have a COUNTER like all cheap phones do?
Thanks to all that are responding and helping..