ITunes won't start up when connecting iPhone

My wife has been having this trouble for awhile, and now I started having the same trouble too. She has an iMac G5 running latest versions of Leopard and iTunes. I have a Power Mac G4 (Gigabit Ethernet model) running the latest version of Tiger and iTunes I also have a USB 2.0 PCI card which has already been tested and is operating properly. Both of our iPhones are the original model running iPhone 2.0, but this problem was happening on her setup before the 2.0/MobileMe fiasco.
Basically, iTunes won't start on her machine when she sets her iPhone into the iPhone Dock, even though it does show that it is charging. When she clicks iTunes, it syncs new data from her iMac to her iphone, but new data on her iPhone doesn't transfer to her iMac (remember, this is BEFORE the MobileMe/2.0 update). I've tried different sync cables, plugging it in to different USB ports, and always it's the same- it may work properly when I unplug the cable and plug it back in again, but after I remove the iPhone from its dock and set it back in, it malfunctions the same as I just described. It initiates a sync if iTunes is running, but not if iTunes is shut down. The crazy thing is, her syncing was working perfectly both ways until about two months before the MobileMe/2.0 switch, so I know it has nothing to do with that.
Today, my Power Mac and iPhone started displaying the same symptoms, but with a twist- I put my iPhone into its cradle, and nothing- no charging screen and tone, no syncing startup, nothing. I turn iTunes off, pull the iPhone out of the cradle, and set it back in again- nothing. iTunes won't even start up; and when I start it up myself, it still doesn't recognize the iPhone is there. I plug the iPhone into a wall charger using the same cable I sync with, and it starts charging with no problems. I plug my iPhone cradle back into my external USB hub, connected to one of the USB 1.1 ports, and the syncing/charging works flawlessly. The weird thing is, my 4th Generation iPod Photo is on a different dock with a different cable, plugged into the same USB 2.0 card, and iTunes starts and syncs with no problems with that iPod every time.
I've taken my wife's iMac, her iPhone, and her iPhone dock and cable in to the Apple Store's Genius Bar, but they weren't able to figure out the problem. They tried to redirect the syncing issues by trying to demonstrate iPhone 2.0's wireless push/pull capabilities, but they couldn't get that to work properly, even though all the settings on the imac and the iPhone were correct. All they could suggest was that I must have had a "bad upgrade" when I upgraded to Leopard (6 months ago?!?), and that I should try an "Archive and Install" of Leopard again to see if that sorts out the issue- something I do not really have the time to do (and my wife can't really be without her Mac for that long since she uses it for work).
I see a lot of similar issues on Apple's iPhone support pages with iTunes not recognizing iPhones when they're plugged in, or not charging when plugged in, etc. I've spent a lot of money on our Macs and our iPhones based on the idea (from Apple's own marketing) that Apple's products "just work". And darn it, with all the money I've invested into these products I just want them to WORK- EVERY TIME, without fail! These are the kind of problems I left behind in the Windows world, and I don't want their ugly heads to surface here too.

AND ALSO I TOTALLY UNINSTALLED ANY OF MY
ANTIVIRIS THINGYS AND THE SPYWARE STUFF.I D/K WHAT TO
DO ANYMORE!
*~PLEZ HELP ME!~*
Hi yesy
If you are sure you disabled your AV/antispy and you get the flash of a licence it sounds like you may have a malware infection. Look out for posts by b noir and get hold of ewido - its a free AV programme - google and you should find.
BTW, you may be in Florida and I'm in the UK, but don't shout - you're just next door in cyberspace!:) I understand your frustration coz I've been in your place. There are some really helpful folks on this forum - seek, and you shall find!
Local retailer custom built pc. Pentium 4 chip 2.4GHz Windows XP SP2 20Gb iPod
Local retailer custom built pc. Pentium 4 chip 2.4GHz   Windows XP   SP2 20Gb iPod

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