Please fix iTunes, or let me use something else!!

Question

i have a mac mini which i use to sync my iphone, ipad, and nano with.
itunes 11:
does not sync from computer to iOS devices. i download updates on the computer and they don't get pushed out to my devices, i have to manually update on the device or go through my list in iTunes of over hundreds of apps and find the ones that need updating and do it manually for each app on each device. why do i even have to have 30gb of mobile apps on my computer if i have to go and update them on my device anyway? ive had an iOS device since 2008 and ive always managed my apps on the computer and pushed out the changes to my devices.
each time i plug in my iPod nano it resyncs the entire 8gb music library to the device, even if i just want it to charge it, and theres no new content.
you can make playlists of books, and sync them to the devices, but the playlists don't mean anything on the device and I'm just left with a big pile of books i have to separate and organize all over again. i can't give books ratings or choose to delete my books from the library on the device, which means i have to sit in front of my computer looking at each one of my hundreds of books to decide if i want to keep it or not, or give it a rating.
iTunes  reports the incorrect space on my iPhone. iTunes tells me i have 2.5gb free than when i sync it, it tells me that i can't sync all the stuff and i need another 1.5 GB to fit it all. as seen in the pic below.
if i choose to manually manage my music on my iPhone, it unchecked that i want all music and playlists on the device. if i try to manually choose what i want, it unchecked that i want to manually manage my files.
iTunes 11 offers no new features, and removes many useful features, like finding duplicates, which it doesn't even do that well in the first place. it should have had more ways to manage and control media such as books, tv shows etc, just as you can with music.
the ITL file somehow disappeared and it created a new one so i have to re add my library of media with well over 50GB of content, as well as losing all my playlists and ratings and everything else that goes with it
i use a custom ringtone, however it recently decided to start using the default tone. itunes says its syncing my tone to the phone, the phone says its selected as the ringtone, however it plays the standard iPhone ring when i get a call.
iTunes has cost me countless hours of fooling with it trying to make it work, reorganizing and rating everything each time the itl goes missing, syncing apps, trying to get it to use the proper ringtone. it gts to a point that its no longer worth the time i have to spend to make this stuff work. i never want to use iTunes again at this point, and since it is my only choice when using apple devices its unlikely that i will purchase another apple device, and this is coming from someone who stuck with apple through the early 90s. if you are going to lock down my device and force me to make use of software to use my device then make sure that software is functional.
if anyone knows how to solve these problems please let me know. ive reinstalled and factory reset everything countless number of times and im fed up. i have searched online, tried a bunch of solutions but mostly just found a bunch of people with the same problems and no solution.

Answer 1

YOU ARE IN RECOVERY MODE
1. Turn off iPad
2. Turn on computer and launch iTunes (make sure you have the latest version of iTune)
3. Plug USB cable into computer's USB port
4. Hold Home button down and plug the other end of cable into docking port.
DO NOT RELEASE BUTTON until you see picture of iTunes and plug
5. Release Home button.
ON COMPUTER
6. iTunes has detected iPad in recovery mode. You must restore this iPad before it can be used with iTunes.
7. Select "Restore iPad"...
Note:
1. Data will be lost if you do not have backup
2. You must follow step 1 to step 4 VERY CLOSELY.
3. Repeat the process if necessary.