Why can't I get a complete sync via dotMac?

I have two Macs running Leopard (on the same network at the moment) and a .Mac subscription, and I want both calendars to be identical - which used to be the case under Tiger most of the time. I have had some trouble with inconsistent data in calenders, and have followed advice in this forum etc. My steps were:
1. make sure that one of the computers (my Apple Mini) had all the calendar data up to date.
2. reset the .Mac data from the Mini
3. open iCal on the other computer (my iMac), and when I got a message asking if I wanted to reset the data from .Mac, I replied 'yes'
4. I noticed that some events which are on iCal on the Mini, and now presumably in .Mac, simply don't appear on the iMac. Others do. Specifically I have a four-day event starting tomorrow showing on one computer and not showing on the other one.
Naturally after resetting the .Mac data, I have tried syncing everything, but it has made no difference. I keep getting a message that suggests that I am syncing the iMac for the first time: I tell the machine to get its data from .Mac and then I get the 'inconsistent data' message. I don't see how the data can be inconsistent if I don't choose to preserve ANY of the information on the target machine (the iMac). What is it inconsistent with?
All I want at this stage is to make a completely synced copy (an exact copy) of my calendar data on my two machines and .Mac, based on the data on my first machine.
What am I doing wrong? And incidentally is there a way to look directly on the .Mac database to see what it has actually stored from my syncing efforts?

Sync has changed with the advent of MobileMe. I am now seeing good syncing between my 3 Macs as well as mail, iCal etc accessed via the web. So it all works now, but in a different way to when I asked the question

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