Why can't I get the Audi-video chat started?

Question

My step-daughter and I have iSight cameras and Macintosh Computers with iChat installed. On Friday afternoon we tried to start a video-chat. I heard by phone, that we were both trying to get in touch with each other at the same time.
• I was able to get my step-daughter entered as one of my ‘Buddies’. There is a Buddy List and her name is there, correctly. Though I have to add her name, from my address book, each time I close iChat down.
• The rectangular menu has the following icons at the bottom A, a telephone icon & a video-camera ‘greyed out’. I do not see why I cannot blacken them.
• When my step-daughter succeeded in getting her camera turned on (see could see herself on her computer screen) I double-clicked on the video-camera part of her name card in the buddy list.
• Miraculously, but ultimately disappointingly, the process of trying to contact my step-daughter began. Another view of my camera picture appeared, the rotating ‘stop-clock’ type icon began spinning for about ten seconds. The message setting up video-chat changed to tell me that the attempt to establish a video-chat had failed because I had failed to respond.
• But I had no indication of how to respond. Minutes later I was able to establish a chat with my step-daughter with text. If I can establish textual contact, why not audiovisual?
• I take it the use of Bonjour is the way to go rather than aim.
iMac G4   Mac OS X (10.4.5)  

Answer 1

I'm not sure how to add to my own topic, or I'm supposed to... but here goes.
One thought as to why text messages will work and Audio Video won't has to do with broadband speed. I checked my Internet Service Provider website (Cable & Wireless in the Cayman Islands) and they have a way of 'Testing Your Broadband Speed'.
I tried that and although I could not print the results, the test told me that my download speed is 1.3 mb and my upload speed is 553 kb. I haven't a clue if that is fast, slow or something in between. however, page 3 of the iChat brochure (videoconferencing for the rest of us) http://www.apple.com/macosx/features/ichat/ said that to initiate or participate in a 1 to 1 video conference the bandwidth required is 100 kbps. I've got that, right?
Another thoughtthat I had was that my step-daughter may not have 'Full .Mac membership', she may just be 'on trial'. I'll ask her and if that's the case it's problem solved, see page one of http://www.mac.com/1/ichat.html.
Router doubts have been dispelled. I have a Netopia not a Belkin. A troubleshooting piece from 2003 refering to a Beta version of all this said that a Belkin router would not do the business.
So, anymore thoughts out there, Mac people?