9.1 (and 9.1.1) breaks sharing on Mac

Let me describe my setup first. I have an iMac 21.5" model running the latest update of Snow Leopard. My wife and I have separate logins on the computer. We have been running iTunes for Mac 9.0.3 and had all music and iTunes files in ~/Users/Shared/Music/iTunes/. I created an alias for the iTunes folder and placed it in both of our personal music folders then pointed iTunes to that alias as to where the iTunes library was stored. This worked great. Anytime anything was changed or added in one account automatically updated on the other user's account.
So the problem is that by updating to 9.1 (or 9.1.1), the sharing no longer works. If I even tried to open iTunes on my wife's account it says that iTunes is locked or I don't have permissions to run it (yes, I am completely out of iTunes on my account - including being logged out to try that). Since I had everything backed up I started playing around with the files and folders. I created fresh libraries for both and moved the iTunes library folder to the shared music directory. This worked in that I could open iTunes under both user accounts and see all music but changes made on one account did not reflect on the other account. So if I wanted to import a CD or purchase a song, I had to do it twice (one for each account). If I tried to move the itl and other related files to the shared folder, I would once again only be able to open iTunes under one user account and it is locked on the other user. After a couple of hours of playing around with different configurations, I reverted everything back to the way it was and downgraded back to 9.0.3.
So my question is this: Using 9.1.x, is there any way I can share my libraries between the users where I can maintain the database files without having to do everything individually on each account rather than just once?
It's not extremely important now but if iever get an iPad and as iTunes is further updated, it could become important.
Thank you!

Should also clarify - usually takes multiple hours of checking/unchecking file sharing settings in order to restore the share between Mac Mini and iMac. NEVER happens automatically.
This is disruptive because I've got the Mac Mini pointing to several file locations on the iMac for various things - photos, music, etc. - and they all hang up unless the share is restored. Real bummer.

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