A newb question - How do I get iTunes to stop DELETING things from my iPod?

I just got my PC back up and running, went to use my brand new iPod that was loaded with music/movie/podcasts from my laptop, I install iTunes on the PC, get everything set to my account and then take a look at my iPod only to find EVERYTHING has just been deleted.
So far I hate iTunes and I truly hate the fact that I cannot just drag and drop files onto my iPod.
Is there a way to lock files so they do not get deleted? Now all the stuff I have purchased cannot be downloaded again, another stupid idea. Once I pay for something I should be able to download it to the same iPod as often as I need.
What truly ***** is I am a technogeek and have been an IT person for a long time, just when I think I understand how this software works, BAM it deletes all the files on my iPod.
Is there any other decent software out there that I can use besides iTunes?
I think you get the idea, I am frustrated and I know it is something simple that I am missing or overlooking. I guess I have to go buy iTunes for Dummies huh
Any help or information that anyone can offer would be wonderful.
Thanks,
John W
Custom   Windows XP Pro   First Gen iMac

thanks
I will still look for a different program.
The other programs (like Anapod) are all Windows Explorer based and thus only work decently on very small music collections (e.g., less than 500 tracks or so). If you have a substantial collection, these schemes quickly become more trouble than they are worth because you must track everything manually or indirectly.
My library is medium sized at 17,500 tracks (still under 75GB, just barely) and I could never manage it without a database like iTunes. If I had a large collection this advice would go double.

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