About to throw Ipod and/or PC out of window!!!

This post may get quite lengthy as I need to explain all that I have done to try to fix my Ipod at this point. I have the third gen 15GB classic Ipod with touch wheel. I have Windows vista home premium 32bit on a dell pc that is a few months old. The problem I am having is one that many have been having and posting about. Ipod not showing up in itunes. Windows will recognize that a device has been connected for a short period of time and then the "safely remove hardware" icon will disappear from taskbar.
I have tried all 5R's multiple times. I continually empty my temp folder. On a few occasions, things I have done, have worked. I have given my ipod to my roommate who has a mac and she restored it and I came up, plugged into my computer and started from square one. Then I started having the same issue. I reinstalled itunes...again, worked for a little while. I will get the "do not disconnect symbol" sometimes, but not all the time. This works if I connect it via firewire or USB.
If I go into my device manager to check for solution it states that the device couldn't start because it could not load driver software. I check for solutions and nothing pops up. When I check to make sure I have the latest driver, it says I do. I have gone through a lot of the articles and I am at my wits end. I plugged my roommates ipod classic video into my computer last night, and that also did not show up. That tells me that this is a pc hardware or software issue and not an ipod issue.
The ipod itself still plays music, still charges, resets etc. I read last night about the "diagnostic mode" on the ipod. The article stated to reset and then when the apple popped up and the hd started spinning to hold down REV, FFW, and select button simultaneously. I tried that, multiple times...didn't give me the backwards apple to get me into diagnostic mode.
I was originally thinking it was the ipod because it was older and I would just need to purchase a new one but that is obviously no longer the case. I need some help, some solutions....PLEASE...before I break a window with these pieces of............!!

Update: If I go into the device manager, it shows the ipod as a "disk drive". Shows it as normal for a moment and then refreshes and shows it with an exlamation point inside a yellow triangle. That's when I go into properties and get the cannot start message.

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