AddressBook and Calendar syncronization?!?

Gentlemen, please excuse me if this has been answered before, I have spend a couple of days googling for answers with not much luck.
Here is my issue. About a month ago, I purchased a Mac Mini Server with SLS, to use it as a family server. The idea was to have our own email, web server etc (which are all working fine), but also I wanted the server to act as a "central point" for user address book and calendar synchronization.
What I mean with that, is that I wanted a central repository of our address books and calendars. We do NOT need to share address books. Maybe we could use a shared calendar, but again, it is not something mandatory, for the time being all we need is to be able to duplicate each member's address books and calendars on the server and in our devices.
Devices to be used as clients:
- One iMac (obviously always connected to the server)
- One MacBook (obviously this is USUALLY connected to the server, but not always). This machine acts as my wife home computer and as my traveling computer.
- Two iPhones (obviously these are usually NOT connected to the server, but they eventually get connected at some time of the day)
Until now, I've been using MobileMe for address book and calendar syncronization and I was hoping that by having the server I could avoid paying $100 per year for that service. Unfortunately, so far, I am unable to use the server for that task.
What I have managed so far, is:
_On the iMac_,
AddressBook: I have duplicated all my address book entries to my account address book on the server. However, for the name of God, how can I keep them in sync? In other words, if I add a contact in my iMac address book, it doesn't get copied to the server address book. How can I do that automatically? I know one answer would be to use only the server address book, since this machine is always connected to the server, but that doesn't solve the problem, see below.
Calendar: I can't find any way to copy my calendar contents to the my account calendar on the server. I can see the two calendars in iCal, but when I enter an entry in the server calendar, it stays in the server calendar and is NOT reflected in my local calendar and vice versa. Again, for the iMac that's not an issue, I could use the server calendar only (provided I can export my current, local calendar entries and import them to the server calendar), but again that doesn't solve the problem, see below:
_On the MacBook and the iPhones_
AddressBook: Now here is where the problem is. If I take the MacBook on a trip and I add a couple of contacts in my address book on the laptop, how can I have them copied to my server address book? As far as I can tell, the only way is to manually copy them. Isn't there a way to do so automatically? Either when I am away (via the Internet, when I'll connect to the Internet) or even when I return back home? I can't always use the server address book when I am away, because I may not always be connected to the Internet, so I need to be able to enter a contact in my local address book, and I need to have it copied to my server address book automatically when I connect to the Internet. Just like I do now with MobileMe.
Calendar: Again, the same thing. I want to be able to add a calendar entry to my local calendar on the road, which will be copied to my server calendar when I connect to the Internet (or the LAN at home). Can that be done?
And of course, the same calendar or address book entries I entered in the MacBook (while on the road), should be reflected back to my iPhone calendar and addresbook, when I connect to the Internet, just like they do now using MobileMe.
Can this be done?!? If so, please tell me how.
Thank you for your attention.
P.S.: The server is available on the internet, with fixed IP etc. Connectivity to the server is NOT an issue.

Move all your contacts and calendars to the server. Setup accounts on the server for groups in your family.
We have the following:
Husband
Wife
HusbandWife
Kids
All contacts are stored on server in the various accounts, and each person has access to what is appropriate. Husband/Wife have everything. Kids have less access, but there are three calendars in that section, Both, Child1 and Child2. My wife and I have our own stuff (like to-do's), but most of our appointments are in HusbandWife.
The kids have to put their homework in each week. We put in their other stuff. It shows up on their computers/ipads/iphones, etc.
The key is to get it all to the server. If you change something when you aren't connected it will synch up at the next connection.
Now - here is the tough part. You need perfect DNS to get all this working. Fully qualified public IP address, reverse lookup, etc. etc. with all the ports open. When you think you have it all setup with your ISP call Apple support and have them check it. Without the DNS you'll never get it all to work, particularly the wireless devices.

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