Apple TV, 2 iphones (4s), 1 ipad - which setup is best?

I am an apple noob and need help setting up all our devices.  My husband currently has an iphone 4s, but he has not bought much iTunes content yet, while we wait to try and see the best way to set all our devices up for synching, etc.  I just bought him an Apple TV 3.  I plan to buy an iphone 4s and the new ipad in the next couple weeks.  I want to set them up where we can share music and apps on all our devices but not contacts, messages, etc.  Our laptop is not apple.  My questions is what is the best way to do this, since we are just now making the switch to everything apple. 
Could we have separte Apple IDs and separate iCloud IDs for everything we want to keep separate, then setup a shared Apple ID for itunes purchases that we want to mingle?  Can you use your Apple TV with different Apple IDs?  Which one Apple ID/iTunes would the Apple TV automatically load when you start using it?
I assume on the ipad we would just use the shared Apple ID.  How should we then setup Home Sharing? 
Ok, that is a lot of questions.  But I want to try to wrap my head around the best way to share items before we set anything up. 

Welcome to the Apple community.
Yes you can each use a separate ID for iCloud (which deals with mail, contacts, calendars etc) and both use the same ID for iTunes, (which handles music, movies, apps, books etc) indeed this is what I would recommend in a family situation.
When it comes to the Apple TV, it doesn't actually matter whether you both use the same ID for iTunes or use different IDs, Apple TV will be able to connect to both libraries and use them both. You will however only be able to use one ID for purchases from the Apple TV itself. You will also only be able to use the Apple TV to connect to one of your photo streams, if you each have your own ID for iCloud.

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