ARD client software too old, update fails - ARD client up to date

I am trying to access a friend's macbook using ARD 3.3. I can find the machine's IP over the internet but cannot access it. Under the info pane it says the the client software on the remote machine is too old, so I created an installer package to get her the right version, I also send her the link to apple's download site to download the latest version. On trying to install either of the packages she prompted with the message that the client software was already up-to-date.
In Apple help I found out that the remote machine needs to be configured to allow remote access, which can be done under System preferences/Sharing/Apple Remote Desktop. I guided her to that location but she said that this pane does not exist. Nor did she ever install ADR client on her computer, which makes me wonder about why the ADR client installer stated that the ADR client software was already running.
Any ideas about what is going on here?

I couldn't find the appropriate forum to post this, hence the double posting (soon to be triple). I'll close down the other two. Thanks for pointing me in the right direction.

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