Back to my mac - iCloud enabled, but not working

Last year I made very regular use of Back to My Mac. Time and again I had no problems using my Mac Book Pro and connecting to my Mac Pro back home - did this from all over the place.
Then last month, my DSL router died and I had to upgrade.   The Netgear switch I had used stopped letting Back to My Mac work - turned out there was a glitch and I was one of the few who had a working unit, but not that it had tanked I could not get it back. All systems would get an error when trying to enable Back To My Mac instructing me to review my settings, enable UPnp, etc...
So now I have a new Netgear R6300 and my MiniMac, Mac Pro and Mac Book Pro all can have Back to My Mac checked without an error showing up. Can uncheck and re-check and the spinning wheel does it's thing and the box shows properly with no error.   Great - but apparently not really.   All these systems are in the same network, so of course they can see each other from within my network - no need for Back To My Mac at all.
But as soon as I try and connect from outside my network I can't.   The Netgear R6300 provides a guest wireless network (that can't see or share the home network), so I can grab another IP address and effectively be outside my home with the Mac Book Pro.   Again, no error when I look at iCloud - and I can uncheck and recheck the Back to My Mac box and the handshaking necessary seems to be fine - but I do not get my home systems appearing in the Finder Shared list as they once did.
The systems in my house can't see the Mac Book Pro either.
As I have a group of static IP addresses from Centurylink I can use a fireware adapter and directly connect a network cable to the M1000 DSL modem - and directly pull one of my other IP addresses for the Mac Book Pro and have it completely out from under the Netgear R6300.   But the situation is the same - the Mac Pro and Mini Mac both appear to be configuered for Back to My Mac (can check, un-check and recheck without an error), but they can't see the Mac Book Pro.   Likewise the Mac Book Pro appears properly set for Back To My Mac - but it can't see either the Mac Pro or the Mini Mac.
It makes no difference whether I enable the Centurylink M1000 DSL firewall or have it disabled.   UPnP is activated on the Netgear R6300, and if I turn it off I get an error when trying to set up Back to My Mac with any system funneling through the R6300 that the connection can't be made and I should check things like UPnP.    So when it is enabled there certainly seems to be at least some sort of semi proper handshaking going on.
For diagnostic purposes only, I have stretched a really long Cat 6 cable accross the room and plugged the Mac Pro directly into the M1000 DSL too - pulling yet another static IP from my assigned block. Now the Mac Book Pro and the Mac Pro can see each other via Back to My Mac - but neither can see the Mini Mac, and it of coruse can't see either of them.
I am not wedded to Netgear, but I have had lousy luck with Linksys and Asus - the Asus. The Mini Mac is a server (web and email) and Asus would not properly route mail to the Mini Mac and their Tech support was both difficult to reach and unable to explain why, just go try another.   The Linksis EA6500 was dead out of the box, and again Tech support suggested to just go get another one.   Asus was truly horrible to work with, but I would try another Linksis - but I have had flakey history with Belkin and Linksis which is why I went to Netgear.
So I know that the Centurylink M1000 does not appear to be the issue as devices connected directly to it can enjoy Back to My Mac.   I know that the Netgear R6300 appears to be working but clearly there must be something wrong somewhere.
I don't seem to be caught in a double NAT issue, and I don't have extreme firewall issues in play.   Much as I would like and intend to put stiffer rules in place, right now I just want to get thigns working.
Clearly I am missing something. Suggestions - even for a different router know to be working in a small but robust network with cable and wireless would be most welcome.   All three systems are running OS X 10.8.3 - the Mini Mac also running server. Both the Netgear R3600 and the Centurylink M1000 have the latest firmware.
Thanks in advance for your help.

Is the Extreme in bridge or router mode.. most people are finding it has to be in router mode to work although I don't think that is specific in the instructions..
You should not need to access the extreme to get into the Mac though.. do you have a hard disk on the AE you are trying to access??

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