Battery not recognized, not charging, but not dead...AC plugged in

Question

My MacBook recently had a dilemma of not turning on. I went to the Apple Store and the Genius Bar tech guy fixed it with a SMC/PMU whatever power reset process it's called. Now my computer turns on, it just doesn't recognize the battery. The tech guy said my battery isn't dead, it just needs to be recharged. I'm kinda concerned that he didn't bother solving the issue at the store or try to tell me what is wrong. The computer only runs off the AC adapter, but sometimes when i plug it in the MagSafe connector will quickly flash green and orange repeatedly over and over and the battery status icon will go between X and 0% or from "No batteries recognized" to "Battery not charging" or "Charging not complete". This only happens occasionally. It also might say "Calculating..." but it will always go from one of these things then back to "No battery recognized" super fast repeatedly for a long while.
Also, when i close my MacBook, it won't go to sleep immediately like it used to. So if i close it then unplug it to take it somewhere, it shuts down as opposed to sleeping. I know if it gets unplugged it might shut down cause lack of battery recognition, but why won't it sleep when i close it?
I installed the Battery Update thingy for MacBooks and i don't think it did anything whatsoever. The AC cord works, the battery works, just not together on my laptop. I'm guessing while it was in it's permanent shut down state before i went to Apple Genius Bar, it must have drained the battery power, because i pushed the button when it didn't turn on the first time and it was fully charged with five green lights, then over the next two days i kept checking it and it slowly decreased until it is now a single flashing green light. It had two green lights when i went to the store, but after i got it "fixed" it stopped recognizing the battery.
I've had this laptop for nearly two years now, and it has survived a lot. I read many forums/threads about battery failure in other MacBooks like mine, bought around the same time as mine, but my issue is a mix of all the different problems.
For example, I have the same issues as these people did with their macbooks, but none of their solutions helped me:
"my battery logo alternates between telling me the percentage and most of the time showing an 'X' in the battery, it says no batteries recognized. it even does it with the charger connected!"
"The battery has a single, rapidly flashing, light when I press the button on it."
"But it never is able to calculate a time, and if you disconnect the power, the computer immediately shuts down."
"When I take out and reinsert the battery, it'll recognize it for a minute, flash in and out of orange, and than it will say no battery available."
"In system profiler it says there's no battery installed, and the little LED lights on the bottom of the battery don't do a thing. It's as if the battery is not installed, yet it is."
"My macbook has stopped working when not plugged in. The battery is installed but in profiler it says battery: not installed. Also there are no lights on the battery to show it charging. In the menu at the top of the desktop the battery has an X in it."
"my laptop doesn't recognize my battery-- it only runs on the wall charger. I've tried popping the battery out, then back in. When the laptop isn't plugged in and I push the battery's little button, the first light flickers briefly for a second or two and then shuts off."
"I turned on my Macbook with AC power after returning holidays. I realized it couldn't charge itself, and the battery indicator showed "X" with "No batterries available.""
I searched everywhere for a solution. But it seems like i'll have to return to the Apple Store and get it fixed that way. Here's the computer info anyway:
AC Power:
System Sleep Timer (Minutes): 180
Disk Sleep Timer (Minutes): 10
Display Sleep Timer (Minutes): 30
Automatic Restart On Power Loss: No
Wake On AC Change: No
Wake On Clamshell Open: Yes
Wake On LAN: Yes
Display Sleep Uses Dim: Yes
Battery Power:
System Sleep Timer (Minutes): 5
Disk Sleep Timer (Minutes): 10
Display Sleep Timer (Minutes): 1
Wake On AC Change: No
Wake On Clamshell Open: Yes
Display Sleep Uses Dim: Yes
Reduce Brightness: Yes
Battery Information:
Battery Installed: No
AC Charger Information:
Connected: Yes
Hardware Configuration:
UPS Installed: No
Power On Self-Test:
Last Run: 2/11/09 6:37 PM
Result: Passed
SMC Version: 1.17f0
Sudden Motion Sensor:
State: Enabled
System Profiler:
Version: 4.1.1
Last Modified: 4/28/07 2:34 AM
Energy Saver:
Version: 3.2
Supported by: Apple
Visible: Yes
SMCMotionSensor:
Version: 2.0.5
Last Modified: 12/7/06 12:26 PM
Valid: Yes
Authentic: Yes
Dependencies: Satisfied
Integrity: Correct
AppleIntelCPUPowerManagement:
Version: 1.6.7
Last Modified: 2/13/07 1:47 AM
Valid: Yes
Authentic: Yes
Dependencies: Satisfied
Integrity: Correct
AppleSmartBatteryManager:
Version: 111.9.0
Last Modified: 4/27/07 6:03 PM
Valid: Yes
Authentic: Yes
Dependencies: Satisfied
Integrity: Correct
AppleSMC:
Version: 1.3.0
Last Modified: 4/27/07 6:29 PM
Valid: Yes
Authentic: Yes
Dependencies: Satisfied
Integrity: Correct

Answer 1

Do you have AppleCare? It seems to me you need a new battery but obviously we can't tell how bad the battery is unless you get that battery info while it is recognized.
Try another SMC/PRAM reset and get that info. Call AppleCare about your issue if the Apple Store won't give you a new battery. (Depends how many cycles you have).