Birthday not as all day event

how can I make birthdays NOT look like all day events? so that I can set an alarm at whatever time I prefer
how can I set a reminder for an all day event? does it have to go off at midnight?

You cannot, because by definition, the Birthdays calendar created in iCal and driven by data entered in the Address Book is a read-only object. You cannot modify it.
You can avoid this problem by turning off this feature and instead using MenuCalendarClock for iCal from objectpark software. The registered version allows batch updates of data in the Address Book birthdays data field, and a generalized, configurable alarm option.
If you want more flexibility, you will have to create recurring records manually in iCal with individual alarms, or import the data using AppleScript.

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