Camera is detected but itunes wont recognise iphone- driving me batty!

Hi- please help- I am, ready to throw the phone at the wall!
I have:
Iphone 3GS, Itunes 10, Windows XP.
I have not yet updated to IOS4.
I can transfer pics to the pc, so I assume the usb etc is all good.
I open itunes and my phone does not show in the list.
I have tried every troubleshooting thing I could find-
I have reinstalled itunes.
I have changed cables.
I ahve turned off, rebooted etc. many times-
Nothing works- it has been happening for a while now...
I am not incredibly techy- but can follow instructions
Please help! I am over it!

http://support.apple.com/kb/TS1495

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