Can someone help me backup my ipad and iphone?

I've been through the iWars somewhat, and am getting to the point where I might just throw this stuff away - I hope someone can help me through this.
My final objective is to upgrade my iPad and iPhone with minimal disruption to their primary user (my wife).
In order to do this, I want to back them up.
I've been having issues with both my iPhone and iPad due to applications installed with various Apple IDs, one of which is over 10 years old and from before the time they switched to using email addresses. I tried to abandon that ID some time ago, so now I don't know the password or security questions/etc/etc and attempting to use the Apple support web sites failed because :
1) Attempting to use the US support site failed because they won't accept standard international phone numbers and I don't have a US-based one (I moved from there ~10 years ago)
2) Attempting to use the UK support site failed because (I guess) they're asleep (I'm currently on a business trip in China)
3) Attempting to use the Chinese support site failed because it's only in Chinese and I can't read Chinese, and the site is as slow as molasses.
So, I've given up that for now. I think the Apple ID issue is mostly about the iPhone (I got that first) so I'll concentrate on the iPad for now.
When I connect the iPad to my MacBook Air, and it mentions that it has old s/w and asks if I want to update...I want to back it up first so I say 'later'. This is how it goes :
1) click in the ipad entry in the 'devices' list
2) click 'back up now' to 'this computer'
2a) it tells me that there are apps on my ipad which are not in my itunes library and asks if I would like to back them up from my ipad.
3) click 'back up apps'
3a) it tells me that there are purchased on my ipad which are not in my itunes library and asks if I would like to transfer them from my ipad.
4) click 'transfer purchases'
4a) it says 'syncing' and 'transfering' and it then goes back to idle...seems like it worked, but there's no message to say anything...apart from 'latest backup' which has a time that is basically 'now'....implying success, I'd say.
So, now I try to 'update'
5) click 'update'
5a) it now tells me that there are purchased items on my ipad that have not been transferred to my itunes library, that I should transfer these items before updating and asks me if I want to continue.
6) click 'cancel'.
==============
so, that seems to be in a bit of a loop to me...
What am I supposed to do there?
Max.
iTunes 11.1.13 (I think - the font is waaay too small to read easily, and it scrolls too quickly)

iPad not appearing in iTunes
http://www.apple.com/support/ipad/assistant/itunes/
iOS: Device not recognized in iTunes for Mac OS X
http://support.apple.com/kb/TS1591
iOS: Device not recognized in iTunes for Windows
http://support.apple.com/kb/TS1538
iTunes for Windows: iTunes can’t contact the iPhone, iPad, or iPod software update server
http://support.apple.com/kb/ts1814
iTunes for Windows: Device Sync Tests
http://support.apple.com/kb/HT4235
IOS: Syncing with iTunes
http://support.apple.com/kb/HT1386
Apple - Support - iPad - Syncing
http://www.apple.com/support/ipad/syncing/
iTunes 10.5 and later: Troubleshooting iTunes Wi-Fi Syncing
http://support.apple.com/kb/ts4062
iOS: “Not enough free space” alert when trying to sync
http://support.apple.com/kb/ts1503
You may need to delete iTunes on your computer and then reinstall.
How To Completely Uninstall and Remove All Traces of iTunes
http://zardozz.com/zz/2008/04/how-to-completely-uninstall-and-remove-all-traces- of-itunes.html/
 Cheers, Tom

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