Can't describe problem...more than one!

Ok these are the problems i seem to be having....i haven't had chance to try on another comp yet, so if someone can help me with it without doing that, it would be helpful!
1. i plugged it in the other day and it said (or rather had) a different battery symbol, ok read on the net that the battery is just dead so recharge it. Left it for a bit...and then it came up with
2. a little envelope with an exclamation (all of this in black and white)
3. read about that, you need an update. so i downloaded the thing and when i went to update it, it said it was doing it so i left it, then the comp crashed and so i had to reset the comp and
4. now when i plug it in, it's not recognised by itunes, all my songs have gone (from the ipod, not itunes) and it just says do not disconnect and when i try and safely remove it it doesn't work.....
5. i tried to restore it (there's no songs on it anyway, so why do i care) but the updater/restorer thing says that i need to plug an ipod in....THERE IS ONE PLUGGED IN YOU IDIOT is what i scream at the comp......obviously they don't understand, they're stupid.
So that's where i am at the moment, really annoyed! please help me!
Windows XP

Have a look at this thread.
http://discussions.apple.com/message.jspa?messageID=2369954#2369954
Before you try some of the suggestions bear in mind that your iPod is still under warranty.

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