Can't send emails server will not relay

Please help I have been in touch with aol and. Apple but still no answer, I cann receive emails but cannot send them the message reads
A copy has been placed in your outbox. The recipient was rejected by the server because it does not allow relaying.
How do I solve this to send emails again

relay servers used to be common.  But because they are used a lot by spammers, many servers these days do not allow relayed messages.
Below are three links. The first two Describe the problem.  The third is from these forums a year ago with a solution that worked for many.  Oddly, the solution seems to have nothing to do with the problem.
In any event, read thru and see if it rings any bells.
http://support.microsoft.com/kb/895853
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Open_mail_relay
https://discussions.apple.com/thread/2582847?start=0&tstart=0

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    Hi guys,
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    If we have asked you to email us with your details, please make sure you are logged in to the forum, otherwise you will not be able to see our ‘Contact Us’ link within our profiles.
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    ============================
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    ;; ->>HEADER<<- opcode: QUERY, status: NOERROR, id: 1791
    ;; flags: qr aa rd ra; QUERY: 1, ANSWER: 0, AUTHORITY: 1, ADDITIONAL: 0
    ;; QUESTION SECTION:
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    example.com.                    10800          IN          SOA          mini.example.com. dnsadmin.example.com.example.com. 2011120603 86400 3600 604800 345600
    ============================
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    ; <<>> DiG 9.6-ESV-R4-P3 <<>> mx mail.example.com
    ;; global options: +cmd
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    ;; ->>HEADER<<- opcode: QUERY, status: NOERROR, id: 36128
    ;; flags: qr aa rd ra; QUERY: 1, ANSWER: 1, AUTHORITY: 1, ADDITIONAL: 0
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    ;mail.example.com.                    IN          MX
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    mail.example.com.          10800          IN          CNAME          mini.example.com.
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    ;; global options: +cmd
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    ;mail.example.com.                    IN          A
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    example.com.                    10800          IN          NS          mini.example.com.
    ;; ADDITIONAL SECTION:
    mini.example.com.          10800          IN          A          10.0.0.34

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