Can't sync/update a 3GS without nuking its data first?

I apologize in advance for a tech-supporty question, but I've looked all over the place and the information has been very conflicting, so I'm hoping you folks can advise me.
I want to do an upgrade from 4.0 to 4.2 on my 3gs, so I plugged my phone into a PC where I last backed it up in October. Unfortunately it doesn't let me do anything with the phone unless I choose one of these two options: Set up as new iPhone or Restore from the backup of <my phone's name> which I believe was last synced on 10/27/2010.
I don't really want either of the options.. the first one will nuke all of my data, and the second will restore the phone to a three-month-old state (or will it? Is it just bad wording?).
All I want is for the **** thing to update without touching ANY of my data on the phone, is that possible at all?

Ok, I think I found the solution....this worked for me just now.
I'm not very techy...so hopefully you can understand this.
Some of the steps may not be necessary, but I'l include them because that's how I did it.
These may not be needed....
1. Sync & Backup the iPhone 3GS with an older model computer (i have a powerbook running Tiger) works fine.
2. Copy the new backup folder (from the old computer) into the same place on the newer computer (Library/App Support/MobileMedia Whatever...) (i have a MacBook Air running 10.6.6).
Ok, Here's what I think works..
3. Do a permissions repair, just to be safe.
4. UnInstall any version of iTunes 10 (the apple website has a good way to do this correctly, there are multiple steps involved.
5. Download an older version of iTunes 9.2
6. Restart your computer.
7. Re-Sync (not just backup, it will do that by itself) your iPhone in the 9.2 iTunes.
8. Once the iPhone syncs on the computer in 9.2....download the iTunes 10 update and re-install that badboy.
9. Sync and update your iPhone to the 4.2 version when prompted...that's it.
I have a feeling that some people (us here) updated to iTunes 10, without first finally syncing our iPhones in 9.2....And 10 is like "***, where did you come from...?"
So, I think That's the glitch.
My phone is updating now....
Didn't need to nuke it.

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