Can't upgrade Photoshop Elements 9.0 to ANYTHING: unable to open Canon CR2 Raw files

I will start this post w/ the comment that I am completely fed-up with Adobe, and am not surprised at the troubles its having considering how completely **** it's ancillary services on its products are. Outside of the actual editing capabilities of their software (the only reason I and most people use their software) they have bungled UI, design, updates, and product support.
On to my issue.
I have a Mac, I have OSX 10.9.4 installed, I also own a copy of Photoshop elements. I recently wiped and reinstalled my OS, and thus reinstalled Photoshop Elements 9.0.
It doesn't support Canon .cr2 files, Canon Raw image files. I have wasted nearly 2 hours running in circles, and registering for every ******* stupid adobe mailing list, and cloud product, forum ID, that exists, all at adobes insistence without getting any sort of answer.
1. There is no update function. The menu item HELP>UPDATE ... DOES NOT EXIST, every update must be done manually.
2. I can't download and install any of the most recent Camera RAW plugins because they require the most update version of PSE9.0.
3. I manually downloaded both update 9.0.2 and 9.0.3 and was required to download two additional pieces of Adobe software, which at best are useless, and at worst are malware the cloud services OSX plugin, and the Adobe App and Install Manager.
4. When I run either update patch, I get the error message "This update is not applicable for you" and then information to contact customer support, which then circuitously and deviously reroutes me through a series of stupid questions.
5. Ultimately I came here and have searched the forums and don't have an answer to my question yet.
Questions.
1. Why can't I install updates 9.0.2 or 9.0.3 to my PSE 9.0 for Mac OSX
2. I don't give a f#*K about the updates, I just want to open canon RAW CR2 files.
I wish someone else produced even moderately decent photo editing software, I'd rid myself of adobe.

The raw files from the 5D should open OK but the files from the EOS-M require PSE11 or PSE12. Alternatively, download and install the free Adobe DNG converter to convert your raw files from the EOS-M to the Adobe universal Raw format and the files will open in all versions of PSE (keep your originals as backups and for use in the camera manufactures software)
Windows download (.exe file) click here DNG Converter 8.6
Mac download (.dmg file) click here DNG Converter 8.6
You can convert a whole folder of raw images in one click. See this quick video tutorial:
You Tube click here for DNG Converter tutorial

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