Cannot access Desktop Itunes Library from Laptop

I have my Itunes library on my desktop pc which I access from my laptop with my ipod classic with no problems. My wife now has a 4th gen Ipod touch and i am trying to set up her laptop so she can access the same library and manage =her music via a playlist. From what I've read this should be pretty straight forward but I can't get it to work.
The laptops are running vista and the desktop XP, all with the latest version of Itunes.
The library was in my account on a user disk on the desktop. The system disk does not have enough room for the library (about 100 GB) so I moved it to a top level directory on the user disk. The user disl is shareable and I have ade the itunes library sharable. When I point itunes on my laptop to the new location I can access the new library. When I point my wife's itunes to the new library, itunes seens to accept it (no error message) but itunes stays on the local laptop library. On both laptops a drive is mapped to the user disk.
Any ideas what may be going on and how to fix it. I'm assuming itunes can be open on several systems at once? I also have home sharing on.
Thank,
George

Welcome to the Apple community.
What are you doing when you get this message, are you trying to set up homesharing or trying to access your library.

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