Cannot add itunes lib to remote app on iPad

When trying to add an itunes lib using the Remote app on my iPad (2) a Passcode is displayed and the ipad2 appears under the Devices list in iTunes; entering the code there does not connect... checked all setups.  Any ideas why this does not work?
Rem: I do not want to use HomeSharing.

I too have this problem and made it worse. Under Mavericks and iOS7 everything set up very easily and worked beautifully like Apple stuff usually does. Then a couple of weeks ago I took the dive and updated to Yosemite, iTunes 12 and iOS8 and then I would occasionally lose connection with my iTunes library as described by the second poster. Very aggravating. So I made a bigger mistake and deleted the library from my iPad Remote app and whenever I started it up again it would say 'Add a device'. I clicked and a randomly generated 4 digit number appears with the exact instructions: 'To add an iTunes library, open iTunes on your computer and choose Remote from the tab bar'. I went to iTunes and searched EVERYWHERE for this Remote tab bar and could not find it. I then went to iTunes Preferences: Devices and clicked the button 'Forget All Remotes' thinking this may reset something in iTunes and make the Remote tab appear somehow to start from scratch. Wrong! Now there is absolutely no connection between the Remote app on my devices and iTunes on my computer.
Can anyone point me to this Remote tab in iTunes?? If I can find that then I think I should be able to fix this.
Geez, talk about effing up what should be (and was) a very simple app.

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