Cannot upgrade ie 8 on win 7 to ie9, ie10, or ie11

I've pretty much tried everything that's out there on the forums. Here is my install log for ie 9:
00:00.156: Started: 2015/03/19 (Y/M/D) 15:12:18.139 (local)
00:00.156: Time Format in this log: MM:ss.mmm (minutes:seconds.milliseconds)
00:00.171: Command line: "C:\Windows\SoftwareDistribution\Download\Install\WU-IE9-Windows7-x86.exe" /WSUS
00:00.171: INFO: Setup installer for Internet Explorer: 9.0.8112.16421
00:00.187: INFO: Previous version of Internet Explorer: 8.0.7601.18715
00:00.187: INFO: Checking if iexplore.exe's current version is between 9.0.6001.0...
00:00.187: INFO: ...and 9.1.0.0...
00:00.203: INFO: Maximum version on which to run IEAK branding is: 9.1.0.0...
00:00.203: INFO: iexplore.exe version check success. Install can proceed.
00:00.203: INFO: Trying to extract ID: 6006 (0) as "IE9-neutral.Extracted.cab"
00:01.731: INFO: Trying to extract ID: 5006 (0) as "IE9-support.cab"
00:03.650: INFO: Operating System: Windows Workstation: 6.1.7601 (Service Pack 1)
00:03.728: INFO: Windows 7 operating system detected.
00:03.744: INFO: Service pack major: 1
00:03.759: INFO: Service pack minor: 0
00:03.759: INFO: Service pack name: Service Pack 1
00:03.806: INFO: The neutral pack was not successfully downloaded from the internet. Installation will continue using the extracted package.
00:03.947: INFO: No reboot logic message NrApiStart(0), lParam=0x018e28a0 returned 0x00000000.
00:04.945: INFO: No reboot logic message NrApiScan(1), lParam=0x00000001 returned 0x00000000.
00:04.945: INFO: No reboot logic message NrApiStartInstall(4), lParam=0x00000001 returned 0x00000014.
00:04.961: INFO: Installing with the extracted package. C:\Windows\TEMP\IE976D4.tmp\IE9-neutral.Extracted.cab
00:05.101: INFO: Launched package installation: C:\Windows\system32\dism.exe /online /add-package /packagepath:C:\Windows\TEMP\IE976D4.tmp\IE9-neutral.Extracted.cab /quiet /norestart
00:25.834: INFO: Process exit code 0x00003701 (14081) [The referenced assembly could not be found. ]
00:25.849: ERROR: Neutral MSU installation failed (exit code = 0x00003701 (14081)).
00:25.849: INFO: No reboot logic message NrApiInstallDone(7), lParam=0x00003701 returned 0x00000000.
00:25.849: INFO: No reboot logic message NrApiStartFinish(11), lParam=0x00000000 returned 0x00000000.
00:25.865: INFO: No reboot logic message NrApiFinish(12), lParam=0x00000000 returned 0x00000016.
00:25.880: INFO: Setup exit code 0x00003701 (14081) [The referenced assembly could not be found. ]
00:25.943: INFO: Scheduling upload to IE SQM server: http://sqm.microsoft.com/sqm/ie/sqmserver.dll
00:26.442: ERROR: SQM Upload failed while uploading "C:\Users\jbucco.ELIH\AppData\Local\Microsoft\Windows\Temporary Internet Files\SQM\iesqmdata_setup0.sqm" with error: 2147954432
00:26.442: INFO: Cleaning up temporary files in: C:\Windows\TEMP\IE976D4.tmp
00:26.489: INFO: Unable to remove directory C:\Windows\TEMP\IE976D4.tmp, marking for deletion on reboot.
00:26.504: INFO: Released Internet Explorer Installer Mutex
Please help!!!

I've pretty much tried everything that's out there on the forums.
Time for some diagnosis?
00:00.187: INFO: Previous version of Internet Explorer: 8.0.7601.18715
How about getting the OS up to date security wise on IE8 first?
https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/kb/3032359
shows file version then would be 8.0.7601.18751
Interesting combination of numbers. What is that other one anyway?..
BING says "No results found" for it. I wish we still had the DLL Help Database.
Apparently that was
Feb. 2015, so you're only missing March (and now
April).
00:25.834: INFO: Process exit code 0x00003701 (14081) [The referenced assembly could not be found. ]
You would need to look in the CBS log to find out which "assembly" was "referenced" and why.
Or you could try to fix it with CheckSUR. BTW did you try CheckSUR? Note that it is just as much a diagnostic as it is a repair tool. So if you're looking for help and you have been collecting diagnostics you should consider sharing them
too.
HTH
Robert Aldwinckle

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