Completely Disable iMessage Forever and Ever and Always?

Ok, this is getting silly. iMessage has got to to be the most buggy system on the planet, right? Maps were bad, but unlike iMessage, at least maps got better.
I switched *back* to an iPhone (my technology ADD sent me through Android and Windows phones...but I love the iPhone so I'm home). And, of course, iMessage is dropping messages left and right for me. I've turned it off on my iPhone, but now people think they've sent me messages but they never show up, even as SMS. Typical iMessage nonsense that's been going on for years now.
Is there some way, a backdoor, a hack - ANYTHING - that allows me to instruct Apple Servers: HEY, I NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER WANT iMessage. Ever again. Just Go Away Forever. You're trying to be too smart, which makes you dumb and buggy! Send me SMS (I've got Telegram/WhatsApp/GoogleVoice accounts for wifi comms). THANKS!

Thanks guys.
Lots of good info here.
I know about turning the facebook app to wifi, etc. I'm more worried about the apps I normally don't think about, doing something unexpectedly crazy. Like some new game downloading/uploading a crap load of data because I forget to click a single button in the settings menu. That's why I keep cellular off unless I need it.
It's just disappointing that while it's off I can't get voice messages (due to iOS8's visual voice mail) or picture messages.
It seems strange that imessage can handle standard text over wifi but a picture over wifi is just too complicated. But whatever.

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             0x10557f000 -        0x10557ffff  com.apple.Safari 6.1.5 (7537.77.4) <1144E535-39EB-3DD2-8326-F931E2CEDFC5> /Applications/Safari.app/Contents/MacOS/Safari
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