Creating vintage backgrounds in Illustrator

Hello,
I am completely new to Illustrator.  I'm looking to create some vintage backgrounds which look like Cath Kidston style wallpaper, specifically, one with polka dots and one with 5 pointed stars.  I don't want the patterns on a grid, but rather with the lines of stars/spots at an angle so that they create a diamond pattern.  I would then like to make the backgrounds look slightly like vintage wallpaper, so that they are not clean looking vectors.  Also, if possible, I would love to make the stars look like they have been done using paint (maybe a potato printing effect!). 
Please could anyone help me with this (I have seen some lovely photos of this on stock photography sites, but they are very expensive and I think I can make my own).
Many thanks
Charlotte

Oh, balderdash.
Illustrator is not "the wrong program" for this kind of thing. Criminy, it's just a matter of drawing a repeating pattern and then imposing a few "random" variations to the whole thing to suggest aging and "distress" after the pattern is built.
There are several path distortion features that can be used to impose slight irregularity to a collection of geometrically pristine paths. Texture and "distress" can be achieved by judicious application of blur and another raster effect or two. Even graduated overall lighting can be "overlaid" with a simple transparency object.
But Charlotte, beyond that, your question is too general for specific how-to answers. The most problematic part of your question is "I am completely new to Illustrator." This is not the kind of program you just dive into without taking the time to learn your way around it. Have you read the online help and actually worked through the steps it describes, to familiarize yourself with the basic principles, the specific tools and what they do, the available commands?
For example, if you were to come back here with an example of a particular pattern you want to build, would you know what someone is talking about if they told you to?...
1. Draw the repeating element, store it as a Symbol.
2. Use two applications of Transform Effect to create the pattern array.
3. Expand Appearance. Leave it Grouped.
4. Use a few clicks with the Symbolism tools to vary the fade, tint, etc.
5. Give the whole thing just a little planar "tilt" perspective with 3D Rotate.
6. Apply a slight Gausian Blur to the Group.
7. Draw a path to surround the whole array. Give it a grad fill and apply a Raster Effect to give it a slight "distressed" pattern.
8. Apply that surrounding path as a Transparency Mask to the Group.
9. Draw another grad-filled path over the whole thing on a separate Layer.
10. Apply a raster effect at the Layer level to give the new shape a bit of "surface" texture.
Just build it once. Then you can just swap out the Symbol Instances for a different pattern:
Apply Transform Effect to randomly rotate the Instances a bit:
Add elements to underlying Layers:
Etc., etc., etc.
The above detail screenshots are from a 10 x 10 Symbol array (i.e.; 100 Symbol Instances), entirely editable native AI CS3 content, done in about 45 minutes or so (including experimentation with various textures) on a 3- or 4-year old $300, 2GB Toshiba laptop (which has become my usual "Saturday morning AI forum" machine).
JET

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