Creative cloud manager does NOTHING

So, I know people have asked similar questions previously, but after scrolling through the answers nothing works and I have a major catch 22 on my hands.
CC desktop manager will not open. I have Windows 8, and no matter what method I try to use to open it, NOTHING happens.
So I look some things up and decide to try re-downloading it off the download centre online (which, I tried downloading a CC illustrator and clicking the download button made, well, nothing happen at all). A bar comes up and says its updating my manager, yay! Then an error message pops up, saying I have a previous version installed and need to get rid of that before I can put the new one on.
Okay.
So I go in to my control panel thing and try to uninstall it. The bar comes up saying uninstalling....
Another error message. This time it says that the CC manager cannot shutdown and please close it before trying again.
What? It is not even open! I checked task manager and everything, its not there, not running, not open AT ALL.
So I do some googling and come accross the Creative Cloud Cleaner tool thing. Great, I think. Turns out you need to uninstall before running the tool.
WHAT.
So, to do ANYTHING, I need to uninstall the manager from my desktop, but I cannot uninstall it because the stupid thing tells me I need to close it to uninstall it. So I'm stuck.
What do I do? In very plain english please. I baulk at all the lingo of renaming files and changing settings and yadda yadda. If somebody could set out for me, in plain and very simple steps, what I need to do to fix this, I will be greatful forever!
For what its worth, the CC programs I already have and use, photoshop and indesign, work perfectly fine.

Hi,
To close Cloud Desktop, you have to right click on it on the taskbar at the bottom right next to the clock.
Then , to update it ,do the following:
1-Rename the "OOBE" folder to "OOBEOLD" in:
32 bits: C: \ Program Files \ Commons files\ Adobe \ OOBE \
64 bits: C: \ Program Files (x86) \ Commons files \ Adobe \ OOBE \
2-Restart your computer in minimal startup :
http://support.microsoft.com/kb/929135
3-Download and run the cloud desktop install manually from:
http://adobe.ly/15dlSu3
To download it click on the action button then download.
Unzipp it and run it.
Regards,

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