CS5 won't update. Tells me my serial number is incorrect but all programs still function and are usable.

I have a copy of CS5 Production Premium. It installs and works properly with the serial number I have. The issue is when I try and update the software with a normal update. The update fails for every application and tells me there was an error. Upon clicking "Contact customer support" it tells me, "This serial number is not for a qualifying product." I then try the things suggested in the customer support section, and guess what? Still nothing.
So yeah.

For serial number issues, you need to use Web Chat. Link here:
Serial number and activation support

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