Deleting downloaded email from iphone but not web server

I recently purchased an iphone 3gs. My wife has had an iphone 3g for over a year. I am having a problem deleting email on my 3gs. Whenever my wife downloads mail to her phone, she can delete if off her phone but leave it on the web server for our internet provider. This way we can still download all of our mail into Oulook on our home computer. Whenever I download email to my 3gs and delete it from my phone it also deletes it from our web server and either puts iit in the web server trash or on my iphone trash folder, whichever I have it set to go. How do I set up my iphone 3gs so that after I download email to my iphone 3gs, I can delete it from the iphone 3gs and not delete the web server version?

Does the email account provider for the account support accessing the account as a POP or IMAP account?
If so, it sounds like your wife is accessing the account as a POP account with the iPhone's Mail application and you are accessing the account as an IMAP account.

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