Detecting bad MacBook Pro's at an Apple Store?

I'm in the market for a Mac Book Pro.
I want to avoid purchasing a bad MacBook and avoid the lengthy process of fighting Applecare when dealing with noise problems.
Here are the problems I don't want:
http://www.red-sweater.com/blog/macbook-pro-noise-complaints/
I want to march into my local mac store and flash them my credit card. Then right before the purchase, I want them to power up the machine so I can run some tests to check for:
1. CPU noise
2. Monitor whine.
3. Heat problems
4. Squeal
5. Mooing Motors
If it fails any of these, then I'm going to demand that they sell it to someone else and get me another box from the back.
Do you think this will work? Why don't more people use this tactic?
I think it's dumb to complain about noise problems AFTER you've paid for it. Just as you wouldn't buy a car without test driving it, I wouldn't buy a $2500 MacBook Pro without testing it first.
Opinions?
G5 Dual 1.8GHZ   Mac OS X (10.4.2)  
G5 Dual 1.8GHZ   Mac OS X (10.4.2)  

well, this is my first mac, and i have to say i love it, i order my online so i am not sure what they do in sotre, actully i never been to a apple store ;_;, i dont think they have one here(new jersey), as for theh problem u are worring, from my MBP, i can tell u that noise is not a problem, i could tell the fan was running ^^
hope that helps

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