Device not recognized in iTunes, freezes program when connected, no sync

Question

Problem: iPod is not shown as a device in iTunes, but is shown as a drive on the computer...when connected it shows "connected, eject to disconnect" but it stays there indefinitely and I give up after 5 minutes...sometimes I get the "scan and fix" suggestion but it can't do it because it is in use...if I just disconnect it iTunes then tells me it can't sync because it doesn't have the related file...will sync just fine to the iPhone 3GS
My iPod hasn't been synced very often but I always make sure I have the latest iTunes software version. A few months ago I got an iPhone 3GS as well, and the problems seemed to start at that point. I want the songs to be on the iPod, not the phone, however, sometimes I download songs on the phone and need to transfer them into my iTunes library. I know I can have the songs on the phone but I don't necessarily want them there, although I just totally gave up and synced them to the phone tonight so I have something to listen to at work.
So, I plug in the phone and sync it, then transfer the songs, move them to the playlist I want them in, then disconnect the phone. No problem there. Then I decide I want to sync the revised playlist onto the iPod. When I plug in the iPod, it simply displays "connected" and "eject before disconnecting." It will stay that way indefinitely until I just unplug it. Once in a while it will show "synchronizing" for a few seconds and then it goes back to "connected." It is at that time it wipes everything off the iPod but does not put anything back on it. During this time I cannot operate at ALL in iTunes - I can't click anywhere or select anything. It's totally stuck until I unplug the iPod. The device is not displayed at all in iTunes (devices isn't even shown as an option), but it is shown as a drive on my computer. Often iTunes will suggest I scan and fix the disk, which I select to do, except then it tells me it can't do it when the disk is in use. I have tried shutting everything down and rebooting. I think at some point tonight I was able to scan and fix.
I have tried all the Rs up to restore. I can't do that because I can't get iTunes to recognize the iPod is there. I have: 1) updated Windows 2) uninstalled and reinstalled iTunes; 3) moved the hold switch and pressed the center and menu buttons at the same time, 4) moved it to a different USB port. In January I went through the whole rigamarole of restoring the iPod to factory settings, although I don't even know how I did that now.
This is extremely frustrating because every time I want to update the songs on the iPod it is a 3 - 4 hour process, for something that should take 10 minutes.
Is anyone else having these types of issues? I have a feeling it relates to having both products linked to the software, although it really shouldn't be a problem.

Answer 1

I am having the same problem but my son's Ipod 3rd gen was stolen and it has been returned to us. Of course everything has been erased. I am having the same problems and have tried all of the same things but cannot do that reset to factory part because it isn't being recognized in the Itunes and it is not synching. Could someone please let us know what to do