Download and update vs download then update?

I plugged in my iphone last night and it told me there was a new software update for my phone.  I saw the option to choose download only or download and update.  In my memory was a suggestion to always back up before updating so I chose download only, as I had to make a call and thought I'd download it, attend to my life and then sync before updating.  So I started the download.  I tried 3 times and the download stopped every time, saying it lost connection with the server.  I use airport with comcast cable (live in the PNW of the USA) So I plugged my ethernet directly into my imac and started the download.  It gave me the same message that the download was dropped.  So I checked on the community to see if maybe Apple was having trouble attending to what was possibly a lot of download requests for a new update. 
Long story, I do not know what the issue is/was.  I tried again tonight after work and it gave me the error message.  I tried again and kept itunes open, and just kept my hand on my track pad, keeping itunes active and the computer awake.  My sleep is set at 2 hours and my display was at 10 mins.  Maybe the display sleep was dropping the download.. I'm not sure, but while I kept the track pad active, the download completed itself taking several minutes, it was 666 mb. 
So I just plugged in my ipad, got the same message for the software update, started it and got the dropped server message.  I had chosen download only, thinking of the trouble I'd had the past two days, and was worried that if the update was dropped during download AND update, it might cause a lot of trouble.
So, so most of you choose download only, or download AND update?  And have others found this current download to take so long that your server drops the download?  I had the cable company out today, and they tested my download and said it was 19 MB so it should be ok.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Michelle, who will download only the ipad update, using the track pad tao keep itunes awake.

disable anti virus software if installed. Then try logging in.
And try deleting the cache associated with the App Store.
Quit the App Store if it's open.
Open a Finder window. From the Finder menu bar click Go > Go to Folder
Type or copy paste the following:
~/Library/Caches/com.apple.appstore/Cache.db
Click Go then move the Cache.db file to the Trash.
Relaunch the App Store and try logging in.

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