Drivers install incorrectly/no detected by iTunes (super tl;dr material)

Question

I have an iphone 3G running iOS4.01 and the latest version of iTunes.
I don't know how it started. I was updating to iTunes 10 and I lost power to my computer (iPhone was not connected at the time). After a reboot, I uninstalled iTunes because it would no longer run (shutdown in middle of installation does that). Then I downloaded and installed iTunes 10.0.0.68. Everything seemed fine. I even bought a song or two.
I wanted to sync that song to my iPhone so I connected it to my computer. I have set custom sounds in windows so that it lets me know when a device connects. The 'connect' sound plays but the iPhone does not start to charge, nor does iTunes pop open, nor does windows explorer pop open with device options. Nothing happens.
So I open up devices and it shows me the usual stuff but categorized under 'unknown' is "Apple Mobile Device USB" or something like that with a warning explanation point [!] next to it telling me that there is an error with it. So I right click and select troubleshoot. Cant fix problem. So I open up the (almost) never failing google and start searching. I find a mind-boggling amount of cases similar but usually with an iPod not an iPhone and those were solvable. I finally get to one that says that I should try 'resetting' my iPhone and making connect in recovery mode. So I hold the power and home buttons down until the iPhone turns off. I open iTunes, hold down the home button and connect the iPhone. The 'Connect to iTunes' screen appears... and nothing happens. Not immediately, not after 30 minutes. Nothing (except for the iPhone timing out and powering off again). So then I take a huge leap of faith and decide to actually use apple's support page. After sorting through stuff designed for the mentally challenged who cannot locate the home button, I find http://support.apple.com/kb/ts1538 .
This is exactly the problem I am having and yet following the instructions brings up problems That I haven't seen before.
So I follow the instructions like a good dog and locate the driver under "Universal Serial Bus controllers" and as per the instructions I uninstalled it. I then "Scan for hardware changes." This is where the instructions start to seem non applicable. As it said it would, scanning for hardware changes found and installed drivers from the iPhone. But instead of installing the "Apple Mobile Device" driver, I now have a device under "portable devices" called "Apple iPhone."
This seemed fine but...
iTunes still failed to recognize it. Windows seemed to think that the device is some sort of camera (applying a camera icon to it in the simple device manager). Windows explorer popped up this time and I can see all the photos on my iPhone and copy them and all but it still wants to think this is a camera. The iPhone charges now at least.
The instructions continue and I try to follow. It says to search for updates to the "Apple Mobile Device" driver. Because this is not there and there seems to be no way of getting it there, I apply this to the "Apple iPhone" under "Portable Devices." Everything seems to run smoothly until: "Click the Browse button, then navigate to the following location: C:\Program Files\Common Files\Apple\Mobile Device Support\Drivers." it seems to tell me that if I am on a 64-bit edition of windows (as I am) I should search for it under C:\Program Files (x86)\Common Files\Apple\Mobile Device Support\Drivers. but in that location the drivers folder in that location doesn't exist (I don't have 32-bit iTunes installed I guess.) So I go to the C:\Program Files\Common Files\Apple\Mobile Device Support\Drivers directory instead and not only does the folder exist but the file is there too. The file usbaapl64 is there and the instructions seem to imply that I should use it if I am 64-bit windows. So I try to use it.
BAM! Another problem: "The folder you specified doesn't contain a compatible software driver for your device. If the folder contains a driver (which it does), make sure it is designed to work with Windows for x64-based systems."
Seriously. What do I do now?

Answer 1

Oddly enough, here's how we got the iPod to be recognized:
1. Plug it in
2. Close the lid; the laptop goes to sleep.
3. Open the lid; the laptop wakes up, the iPod is found in iTunes and everything syncs properly.
So try going into and back out of standby in order for the iPod to be recognized.