Funny things I have seen

You know how sometimes you see something happen and you laugh hysterically ...cause otherwise you would have to CRY ????  Or else something really funny happens that is just circumstance and harmless to everyone.. just plain funny ???  Some movies are like that.. full of skits that are so retarded and crazy it is hilarious ?
A mad mad mad mad world comes to mind.
Oddly enough I got started thinking about this from an article in the times today about some terrorist instructor who taught his class how to use a suicide vest of explosives.. with a LIVE VEST FULL OF EXPLOSIVES and KILLED HIMSELF AND HIS STUDENTS !!!  That made me laugh hysterically... cause otherwise I would have to cry .. no sense getting into the crying part cause that's just too full of sad things ....
Here's the article...
Suicide Bomb Instructor Accidentally Kills Iraqi Pupils
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/11/world/middleeast/suicide-bomb-instructor-accidentally-ki lls-iraqi-pupils.html?_r=0
I learned to throw a grenade with 150 other new army men and the first one we threw had only the detonator inside it... kinda like a cherry bomb inside the steel casing... with a hole on top so if the dentonator went off in a grenade without real explosive in the grenade " proper " ,  the little blast would just come out the top... but the steel would remain intact...
This was a training tool.. pull pin, let handle go flying off, count to 3, throw grenade as far as you can in an accurate manner.  A REAL grenade packs a lot of punch.. so you don't wanna have it anywhere near you when it goes off...
After HOURS AND HOURS of hearing about how to do this simple task....150 new army men ( avg age 18 ) lined up in a field at the training camp.. and the instructors hid behind some simple barricades right behind us ( no wonder they hide ... because those 150 guys are basically MORONS ! )
On the order to go ahead and throw the grenades.... there was ONE guy who pulled the pin and then held onto the grenade and looked at it in his hand... with about as much brain power as a very small gnat ....and let it go off IN HIS HAND !
His hand got really numb.
149 new army men laughed their butts off .... and the stupid army man got yelled at by the instructors too !  Not a good day for the stupid army man.
I have more stories like that.. ( but not about war stuff or blowing things up .. some are movies stories ...." the funny things behind the scenes " )
You have any funny ones ???

hehe.. kind of an understatment... " that was close ".. about to get his head chopped off !
I got 2 or 3 ski stories that I find hilarious .. and all of them are where really scary stuff happens to people but they somehow miraculously survive.. ( maybe a couple of protagonists end up going down hill courtesy of ski patrol heros ( medics ).
I had one fall at Hunter Mountain ( on the belt parkway ) that just has to do with ME.. that might be amusing... and I call it the VARNET NIGHTMARE ...
http://vuarnet.com/
I was wearing these cool glasses ( polarized, yellow tint for snow contrast stuff, etc ) and my first run down in the morning was on the belt parkway, historically known for ice and horrible conditions. If the rest of the hill sucked, the parkway was sure to be the worst.  I had extremely sharp edges due to being a NY ski dope... who never saw powder in his life...
The glasses ( which had little leather things on the side to keep out light etc from the sides ... kinda like little bat wings that conformed to my face alongside the corners of my eyes ?? ).. also had an elastic BAND that was red .. and behind my head...
This was some sort of fad at the time.. you could take off your glasses and drop them and they would now be hanging around your neck, dangling over your chest...
Later on this became a new fad where people would put sunglasses in their HAIR .. like perch the glasses on TOP OF YOUR HEAD... but at the time of my story I was into just letting the glasses ( which cost a ton of money ) on my chest if I wasn't wearing them on my FACE.
Keep in mind the elastic band....this becomes a big deal to me....
So I'm going about a gazillion miles an hour down the belt parkway on SOLID ICE most of the time.. I can see it ( am wearing the glasses ON MY FACE ) really good.. the optics are great.. I can see ahead of me just fine, can see the ice, patches of snow, all that stuff ... ).. and I know this run.. been on it many times and have seen many funny things happen on it ( people shooting off the mountain out of control and over the cliff etc .. which is another funny story )... and it cold as heck.. really COLD OUT .. my face is FROZEN...
All of a sudden I get to this one patch of ice that grabs an edge and I'm history.. Things happen really FAST on the ice ....
I'm wearing my fancy sunglasses...  So I see EVERYTHING up to a point....
I am leaning forward but end up having my legs ripped out from in front of me and I do a 180 and am totally out of control... both skis have released and trail me on safety ties.. I am now looking UP THE HILL..
MY HEAD BOUNCES ON THE ICY SLOPE and a bit of snow catches one side of my fancy glasses.. ( the leather part .. which is like a horse blinder thing )... and I am now looking UP SLOPE as my glasses, attached by a cool red elastic BAND.. leave my head and STAY ON THE SLOPE .. stretching the band tighter and tighter and tighter... so now the glasses are about 15 yards UP HILL from my head... but still attached to me via the elastic BAND.. like some giant rubber band that has my COLD FREEZING FACE on one end... and my fancy VARNET glasses on the OTHER END ...and I think ( this all happens in nanoseconds ).. OMG !
Sure enough the glasses get released as I continue flying down hill out of control and I see .... in slow motion.. these really cool VARNET SUNGLASSES rocket toward my FROZEN FACE about about 2 gazillion MPH.... and THEY HIT MY FACE !  SMACK ! OWWWWW !

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