Ghost/Sticky/Unresponsive/Incorrect action keys.

Question

I've got a MacBook Pro 2011, with all the nice updates and everything running smoothly. I never drink around my MacBook and I typically wash my hands before I use it, just in case they're greasy or have dirt on them. Just today, while I was using my computer, I got up to do somthing, when from the kitchen I heard the "alert" sound being repeated over and over and over. Like a cat has stepped on it. MY cat is no where near the laptop, as it's just sat there, dinging (the laptop, not my cat). I look down on the screen and about 40 lines of "///////" are written out in my open word document (but the other one that faces to the left---whose key is not reacting now). After a few minutes of battling it, I was able to get it to stop by either pressing Escape enough or Delete, I can' tell. But the dinging kept going. I restarted. Upon booting up the dinging continued so I opened a TextEdit to see what key was doing it now, and once again it was the "///////" (but of course, the other one). I pressed delete again, thinking I've just got a stuck key, when my Volume sound effect began popping, and the logo on the screen showed it going from mute to up to down to down to up. I pressed delete and it stopped. I tried the volume keys myself and by pressing the Down Volume key, it seemed to be battling the Up key, and the logo went back and forth from one square being given to one taken, as if I had two fingers on both keys and was clicking them back and forth, at the same time. I tried the Key Bightness keys, and no logo came up on the screen---no sound either, but the light did change under the keys. I tried the Mission Control and Launch Pad keys, and nothing worked. I tried the Contrast keys and like the Volume, they seemed to be battling each other: by pressing the Increase key, it doubled with the Decrese key, and the audio pop sound and the logo on screen jerked back and forth.
I've restarted. I've tried resetting the SMC and PRAM settings. I've done everything I can find on these boards to do aside from taking it in to the Genius Bar (which I've already reserved for tomorrow) and re-installed Mavericks (which I am doing right now).
Is there anything else anyone could think to do? And yes, I've checked for "Sticky Keys" to be turned on in Accessabilty.

Answer 1

Since I typed this, a few minutes ago, I tested my Volume, Key Contrast, Launch Pad, Mission Control and Contrast Keys and they all work now save the Decrease Contrast key, which makes the screen go darker as per usual, but the on-screen logo shows the Contrast logo fighting with the Up volume one; and the volume sound pops as if the volume key was being pressed as well.
Well here's a weird thing too. Pressing the Increase Contrast key also gives me a "`````" on here, as if I were hiting the ` key. AND NOW (some key, I can't figure out which one yet..) is opening iTunes and starting a song as if I pressed the Play/Pause key! What in the word is going on?!