HELP ME PLEASE- Internal speakers aren't recognized

So, here's what's wrong:
1- Under sound in system preferences- output volume is muted and I can't un-click it
2-Also under sound in system preferences no devices are found under output and input
3-The sound symbol doesn't show in the top toolbar.
Also I googled this same problem and a lot of other people say a red laser is coming out of the head jack on the computer, I however don't have this problem.

+The MacBook Pros always seem to have this problem - especially when they get used as 'portable' computers - correction - I mean used at all!... My 07 and 08 MacBook Pro 17s both developed this problem pretty much right away - and I rarely have anything other than one of these $100 'special' cables connected (and I always get an Atari graphics card too!). I have been working from home - so I doubt that it has been connected and disconnected 35 times - and no more than 3 or 4 flings with a dirty head-phone-jack.... so the problem is more than 'dirt' or wear. I live In Mexico, and it tends to be humid and dusty simultaneously.... so where other people might have a 'stuck' switch because of using it, disuse can cause it too. The point is - its not 'user-error', it is a by-product of having one 2mm hole interfacing with those iconic-white Apple 1$ ear-phones, $5000 home stereos, and $50 000 sound-boards... i suppose a mini-dv hdmi would be good.... I just remember my happy disbelief when I discovered the 'little-red-light' on my new and silent Mac - I thought that it jammed to spite my already disappointed frustration with the mediocre connection options I was tinkering with (I know - read the manual)... I guess it was just get me to leave the gold-plated Radio-Shack crap to Dell!+
+A sound card interface that is multi-channel headphone-jack AND optical is.... well, unheard of! It is fragile (optical tends to be... ) then again, when we get the best of both worlds - the real concern is that Apple will shelve it with the FireWire, and we will all be in the same spot as we are now - no sound, and trying to figure-out ways to convince each other that adapting our other equipment to pair with our wireless freedoms (airport express connected via - optical?) is w-a-y better that a sticky switched headphone jack that secretly held full spectrum optical Dolby deliverance!!!!+
+Oh yeah... the 'FIX' - which I read about here and there (and has worked on two consecutive machines for me) is to keep the little socket clean, and lubricate the mechanism into functioning - as opposed to 'toothpicking-it'! Clean it with electrical contact cleaning solution (with the battery removed!). LUBRICATE the 'switch' to get it working ad to keep it that way. I used WD-40 on the 2007 mac... but the right stuff is an ultra-light 'dry' lubricant specifically for delicate contact applications - I am not sure, but I believe that the operation is at least partly electrical, so a non-conductive would probably exacerbate the problem - and would only work until it made it worse. The other tip is to use the right cables instead of paperclips and toothpicks. I found that the 3.5mm to mini toslink - the cheapest - seems to 'fit' the best. Also, the longer of the Apple earphones (iPhone 1st Gen?) kind of 'clicks' in - I put one cable in, then the other - then with the battery in, and the computer on I again rotated the cables - for me it seemed to start working when I had the cables connected to the amp at one end and the MacBook at the other+
+(here is an example: cablewholesale.com/prodimages/toslink-3.5mm-optical-adjustable.jpg)+

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