Help needed for a new Mac user with his photo and video librarys

after swopping my Ericson for an iphone a year ago. then taking delivery of an iPad on launch day. I have finally taken the plunge and swopped my windows pc for a lovely 27" iMac... what have I been doing all these years using windows? using the Mac is a joy.
As I get more involved with their products I am constantly fascinated (and frustrated) by Apples way of doing things. this situation is no exception and I need Apple people with Apple experience to help me make a decision. 
I am looking at software to organise my photos and videos. I have approximately 7000 photos residing on a windows home server. in addition to that there are some 200 or so HD videos taken with either my Sanyo Xacti camcorder or Sony DSC W300 camera. both cameras I think produce MPEG format
my first experience was iPhoto. great for the `price' but not very flexible. single libraries, poor editing facilities. and because I have files referenced and not copied to my iPhoto library, if I deleted from the library its not deleted from the server (and vice versa). this leads to images being displayed in the library that don't exist etc.
then I downloaded the Aperture 3 trial. great until I came across the `Unsupported file format' situation with the MPEG videos that strangely enough, iPhoto will recognise and play (the Apple way of doing things).
1. should I put the photos on the Mac instead of the server?
2. Is there a better way of managing the images for deletions etc
3. should I stick with Aperture because of the editing
4. is there a better software or way of managing the videos
sorry for the ramble but its all new to me

had a good session on all three of the recommended programs and now have a better understanding of the excellent advice I have been given.
iPhoto
great `free' program that is easy to use but somewhat limited on features. think I would always be looking to upgrade from here (feels a bit boring)
Aperture
really enjoyed using this but at £170! a hefty price tag considering its limited file support. fortunately its only my camera video clips (MPEG) that it wont view. my camcorder files (MP4) are fine so this is looking better as a one stop solution.
Elements
much more than just a image touch up. considering what it can do.. very good value at around £60. teamed with iPhoto it becomes even more attractive.
My issue still remains with the masters file location.
I would prefer to keep all my media on the external server to ensure I have a fail safe recovery option. its a 4TB 5 disk affair which contains all the family music, video images and DVD's etc (likely to change to a Mac server in the future!)
one feature that I cant find, (even in Aperture which surprises me), is the ability to automatically manage deletions from referenced locations? i.e. delete a file from the server and when aperture opens up the thumbnails are updated. or, delete a referenced master in Aperture and an option comes up to delete the referenced file on the external drive.
how would a professional photographer or studio using Aperture manage this process (or would they use something else?)
forgot to mention that through our student facilities i can get a discounted copy of Photoshop CS5 for around £175 which is close to Aperture. is this a worthwhile option or overkill
Message was edited by: buttons129

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