Help stop music disappear from ishuffle!

How can I stop the default in iTunes that is set to update iPod automatically. When you connect your iPod to your computer, iTunes opens, then transfers selected songs in your library and playlists to your iPod, and erases songs from iPod that aren't in the iTunes music library. Is there any simple way to overwrite this default setting and stop my songs from erasing just because they are no longer stored in the iTunes library???

Ok, what am I missing here? My iPod shuffle options in iTunes doesn't have an option to do manual sync vs autosync.
The only options I see are:
"Open iTunes when this iPod is attached"
"Keep this iPod in the source list"
"Only update checked songs"
"Convert higher bitrate songs to 128 kbps AAC for this iPod"
"Enable disk use"
That's it. Nothing about auto/manual sync. I wish it did. That way it wouldn't delete my songs when I forget to turn on my external hard drive (with my music files on it) before I plug it in to charge.

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