Help with referenced files and importing

Question

This might be more complex than can be addressed here, but I'm struggling with the organization of aperture.
Because I'm not sure I want use aperture forever, and because I occasionally like to use other photo editors, I've opted for a referenced file setup. I typically arrange my pictures into year/month sub folders, with additional folders for special subjects, like my kids. I've been doing this for a long time, it works for me, and I don't want to change.
Problem #1 - avoiding duplicates when I import. When I stick the card in my computer I want to copy just the new files to the directory I specify. Image capture only looks for duplicates in the target directory, which is no help if I'm importing files to "November" from a card that has files that were previously imported to "October." The easiest solution would be to delete the images off of the card after importing, but I can't do that - my wife also wants to copy the pix to her computer and she may not copy for several weeks or months at a time.
I tried using aperture's import feature to copy files directly from my camera's memory card. The import worked, but when I tried to locate the files on disk, aperture told me there were no referenced files. Any idea where they are?
Problem #2 - import. Is there any way to make Aperture watch referenced directories and automatically add new files to the the appropriate project? It's a pain to keep manually importing files.
Problem #3 - Organization. Is there any way to set up aperture so that a project = a physical folder on my drive? I get that Aperture is trying to abstract the physical location of my files, but I don't want them abstracted. Also, why is my aperture primary library 6.2 GB when I do all my work with referenced files? Where are my edited files stored? Are these in the primary library? Where are the files from my photostreams (from my phone) stored?
Would any or all of these issues be resolved by moving to a managed file set up?
Finally, if I can't get Aperture working the way I need it, any insight into how I'd use it as an external editor to something like Picasa? I really like the aperture editing tools - that's why I bought it. But the workflow is just killing me.
Any insights would be appreciated. Thanks.

Answer 1

It is not as complex as you are making it.  Aperture is not per se an editor.  It is for storing and organizing, and quickly decoding RAW images.  It is a pretty good editor, but it has the feature to allow you to specify an External Editor to which you can send images for more complex editing, and back -- all from within Aperture.
You don't want to have your images referenced so you can also edit them with other programs.  That destroys the non destructive design of Aperture.  If you want Referenced images, you mostly want them so they can be on a different hard drive from that used by the Library for keeping track and storing the adjustments, and not so other programs can access them.
You need to read further as to how and why Aperture works the way it does.
Ernie