How can I delete a message w/ lg attachment that is stuck in my outbox?

I have a 120 gig hard drive and have 37.53 gb available.
I did something really stupid. I knew it probably wouldn't work, but I thought that mail would tell me it couldn't do it and then I would cancel the proposed action. Instead, it's trying to do it and has been trying for 3 days. The whole mail program is frozen with this problem. The really stupid thing is that I tried to send an email to my husband (a user on the same computer) with an MP3 folder attached. Okay, have you stopped laughing now?
The reason I did this was that occasionally iTunes does not allow me access to copy downloaded music files to my playlist Library (or even my own CD's that I want to convert to MP3 format), but often my husband does have access. I didn't see the files on the hard drive so I thought they were only located in a desktop download folder. I tried to send them to him thinking that I would have more success in his profile. It is a music folder that contains 2 albums, probably under 20 songs. He has since been able to locate the files on the hard drive and copy them into my library using only his password, which is what I should have done from the beginning.
We have tried to solve this "write access" problem separately and have been able to navigate around it without completely solving it, even after resetting the permissions...
Right now when I open my mail program (after force quitting) it says its "configuring mail headers", after about 5 minutes it says it's connecting to server, today it's been saying that for 90 minutes now. The only change being the culprit message opening up. I have not been able to delete it or send or receive any mail. It shows up as being in the outbox. I just want to delete this limbo job and never do it again! I didn't think it would work, but I had no idea that it would freeze my whole program! Anyone who has an insight, I would be most grateful.
Ananda

With the Mail.app quit and using the Finder, go to Home > Library > Mail > Mailboxes > Outbox.mbox.
The Outbox.mbox represents "Out" in the mailboxes drawer and is shared by all accounts.
Delete the Outbox.mbox and empty the Trash.
Launch Mail and a new Outbox.mbox will be created automatically by Mail within the Mailboxes folder and this should resolve the problem.

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