How can I screen share over ethernet?! Also DVD sharing?!

I contacted the complimentary apple 'support' to no avail. I just got a mac mini with lion 10.7.2. I have a macbook with snow leopard 10.6.8, both computers have just installed most recent updates. My goal is to get these two machines working in conjunction.
I have enabled screen sharing and it works, but very poorly. I have enabled DVD sharing, and it works poorly, very briefly if at all, before force quitting itself. I asked a gentleman in the apple store what was up with the lag, poor resolution etc. I experience with screen sharing and he said "it's the nature of the beat". He went on to suggest connecting them via Ethernet or another tangible connection. But how?!
I'm so frustrated I have called 'support' four times and not even progress has been made. Please help

Yes, that is an option and I appreciate the feedback.  However, I find Messages to be pretty useful for it's main purpose - bridging my iPhone messages with my MacBook - so I am hesitant to go back.
I tried looking into other options but Skype doesn't allow me to control the other person's screen and screen sharing, if I am understanding it correctly, seems tailored for people on the same network.
I tried setting up the VNC thing, but when I clicked the other users link it never connects.
Are there any options for people with different iCloud IDs on different Macs in different cities to connect for screen sharing assistance?

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