How can i share iBooks with my wife's iPad?

I read different approaches on this site, and tried a couple of them, to no avail.
Here's what finally worked for me:
I logged into my iTunes account (which backs up my iPad2).  I jumped out to Finder, created a New Folder called Books.  Then I went back to the ITunes window, clicked on iBooks, and then one by one dragged the books my wife wanted into the folder.
Next, I inserted a thumbdrive, and dragged the Books folder from my desktop to the thumbdrive.
Finally, my wife logged into her account and opened ITunes, plugged in her iPad mini, went to File > Add to Library, and highlight the thumbdrive, and then the folder Books, and clicked on it.
All of my iBooks then transferred to the iPad mini's collection.  A few steps, but pretty fast and easy.

Can't help with the iBooks issue (sounds like you tried the right thing) but for Kindle, you need to download "Kindle for Mac" from Amazon and log into the same account that your wife uses. http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/ref=kcp_mac_ln_ar?docId=1000464931

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