How can I turn on Facebook integration in iOS 6 without syncing w/Calendar/Contacts?

Just updated to iOS 6.  I would like to turn on Facebook integration but I don't want to sync with my contacts and calendars.  It seems that there are options to turn this off but only after you've signed in to Facebook -- and you get the warning that signing into Facebook merges your contacts and calendars!  Is there any way to turn off the merger in advance?

You'd do that if you wanted to add in all your contacts from facebook - it makes it useful to find out who's using other apps - 4 square - whatsapp, facetime etc.   I had many facebook contacts that I don't call, however if they are using other things, I might be talking to them.  So yeah, I decided to bring in all my facebook contacts.  It has created a mess that I'm trying to clean up though.  The mess is that I have a lot of duplicate contacts ( a facebook contact of Mary Smith and a contact on my phone of Aunt Mary).  I know that when I go and edit one of the 2, there is an option to link the 2, which will then merge the data (adds email info, birthday, facebook contact info, twitter etc) but it doesn't delete one of the contacts.  It should give an option to delete one of the merged contacts.. but it doesn't.  I'm not sure how to fix this.  I've been asking the boards here, but no solution has been given.
There has to be a way to do this (easily) that is

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