How do I add a buddy in imessage, how does video chat work?

We upgraded to Mt. Lion when it first came out, and generally have found it all very good.  However, one of the features that we used frequently was ichat.  It was simple to setup and easy to use (we would video chat with my in-laws so they could see the grand kids).
Since upgrading, it has become much more unclear how to do this.  iChat is gone, and has been replaced with iMessage.  Now there are AIM accounts, Bounjour, Google Talk, Yahoo, jabber, etc.  I get that the idea was to build a comprehensive iMessage client, but we just want to understand what we could do before in iChat.
When I go into help for iMessage, there is a link for video chatting.  Here's what it says:
If you start a video chat with someone using iMessage, you start a video call in FaceTime, which is a separate app. For information about FaceTime video calls, see the following:
FaceTime Help
If you start a video chat with someone using AIM (including me.com and Mac.com), Jabber, Google Talk, or Bonjour, you’ll video chat in Messages.
***?  I realize that all of the documentation is trying to describe all of the different ways that things can work, but I need to call my father-in-law and tell him very simply what he needs to set up on his end, what I need to set up on my end, and how we connect. 
When I attempt to Add a buddy in iMessage, all of the item are greyed out except Send File ...
Is there an easy step-by-step guy for this?
Thanks!

You can use any which you prefer...
Be it his phone number (international format) or his appleid email or any other email he added to the iMessage settings...
But it always works on number and appleid for iPhones (unless the person disabled one of them himself)...

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