How do i change my sync settings on itunes so i can pick what songs i want to sync

i have a new macbook pro,  the first time i synced my iphone to my itunes i selected sync auto. now i want to change my settings to sync music i select. but when i plug my iphone in the icon that pops up in itunes is only a eject thing. theres no click on this and your, connected to sync settings like it did when i first synced my phone

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